my first thought (and still) is how badly i wish i hadn't. and then how glad i was that i hadn't given more of myself. just the usual abandonement issues. the urge to protect myself. i don't want to cut you off and shut down.  i don't doubt you; i doubt myself.  i guess i don't need to feel guilty for letting someone love me if they really can't ( Read more... )

when you said that life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone.

and if i were you, i wouldn't love me neither

connect the dots. told you this, sold me that. i know you like it both ways. am i not? am i? i am not,i am not, i am not.

you are not who you used to be.

go back to throwing up water. 

that thing didn't happen. i was pretty geared up. but then i got the nods and blissed for the rest of the night.

woke up twelve hours later to my phone ringing and felt like shit for doing that to him.

there's also that thing where i'm afraid of something genuinely bad happening to me, so now is a great fucking time to push you away, especially after you went out of your way to make me feel loved and supported, right? i mean, of course, cut that shit off before it gets any worse. you can't keep going like this because you'll just hurt him more. ( Read more... )

you showed me you're safe and i can trust you, so a whole bunch of trust issues came up. and can i trust myself to take care of myself enough to be in a relationship? what if i'm just fucking you over with this? i know you'll say i'm not but fuck. fuck. i'm probably too self-destructive for this. you don't deserve it.

that i haven't in a while. forgot how good the high can be. felt guilty for enjoying it so much because maybe i'm not just responsible for myself anymore. (oh fuck, is this why? trapped ( Read more... )

and the last of innocence makes me so wrong
instead of right
part of becoming accustomed
to my body...

i can't do this to you
so now i don't know what to do

keep telling yourself you aren't a piece of shit, that'll work.

without you, i'd never sleep.

and never remember doing so badly...

(words that read: IDLE WILL KILL.)

i'm not gonna lie...

i can't lose myself in you
but if this is something more
i could lose whatever hope i had left

i guess if you're willing to do this,
you don't care anyway...

it feels like this is on me...

i think i'm more important than i am.