I despair...nice jewish men just don't exist. Well, aside from ultra-orthadox ones, which is something I could never be.  All the others seem to be really shallow and only after one thing.  I'm sick of being asked stupid questions, like after how many dates will I have sex.  Such a degrading and immature way to think of things.   Yup, another one ( Read more... )

I'm so very alone.  I just don't know what I'm living for at all.  Life is merely a series of miserable events.  I have no allies and I've outgrown automatic ones.  I argued with my family within 5 minutes of getting up this morning.  Now they've all gone out a walk with my brother's girlfriend and I'm here alone.  I could have gone with, but it ( Read more... )

Why am I still awake?  I'm bored of being concious and aware of my own thoughts.  I'm also bored of most other people.  Nearly all conversations I have with anyone these days are superficial and I can't be bothered to respond in anything other than mono-syllables.  People just seem to let me down all the time, probably due to mmy own expectations ( Read more... )

I hate people (myself including) to a worrying degree.  My misanthropy seems to be both chronic and increasing.  I'm feeling lonely, but there's nobody I want to talk to and I just don't seem to enjoy spending time with people.  It's not helped by the fact that most people I know just want to use me as a social networking tool, but are totally ( Read more... )

Argh, just got my audition date through from Trinity and it's much much earlier than I thought it would be.  it's on the 26th November, same day as the NewLOG concert.  I'm petrified, I don't feel even nearly ready!  I'll write a bit more about this later.

On Saturday I went to Kew Gardens with Mike and spent most of the day taking photos or amazing plants and fish.  I absolutely love it there!  In the evening I was invited to Matthew's friends' place with him and Daniel.  I'd never met Cheki and Jon before, so was a little anxious, but they were lovely, intelligent, amusing and really interesting ( Read more... )

It's late, I'm exhausted and I'm feeling really awful, but I don't want to go to bed.  I'm too stubborn, sleep is a temporary fix to the problem of life.  I know I'll wake up and things will be just as bad then as they are now.  The prospect of waking up and finding that is worse than staying awake.  I can't let myself sleep until things are better ( Read more... )

The day after Edinburgh I spent a week playing Klezmer at Klezfest.  There were some awesome musicians there and as always, it was great aural training for me, but it's not the kind of music I really want to be playing, as the techniques I learn there would probably be detrimental to classical playing.  Fun anyway.  It was good to spend some time ( Read more... )

The next phase of my summer was Edinburgh.  I thoroughly enjoyed working for PGP this year, however when I arrived James and I were together, but by the time we left, we were no longer!  We were squabbling like brother and sister (which he seemed to find hilarious), felt very little spark, did not enjoy sharing a bed and we'd barely touched each  ( Read more... )

Well, I've had trouble bringing myself to write recently for some reason.  I think possibly because so many things have been happening and so many differing feelings/attitudes have been occurring in me, that I wasn't sure how to put it all into words ( Read more... )