I'm incredibly busy all the time and nearly always surrounded by people, yet I'm still horrifically lonely and disengaged in my life.  I work at life and it happens, I don't hate it as such, but I certainly don't enjoy it, in fact, it's almost as though I'm not there.  I'm not really here living it, I'm arranging a life for somebody else and just ( Read more... )

I'm feeling like an outcast again.  It's not pleasant always being the blacksheep of the family, but I just can't make myself likable.  It hurts.  I'm meant to be the tactless one, but some people aren't all that subtle either.  I don't need charity, people can just be outright rude to me if they like, I'd almost prefer it.  My brother is a better ( Read more... )

After a somewhat stressful and misanthropic week, the weekend was full of much needed loveliness.  It was James' 32nd birthday this weekend and in order to celebrate, a group of us went to the Peak District for the weekend to stay in the house that Feeroza's boss owns.  There were 8 of us there; James, Feeroza, David (James' brother), Rashmi, Bidi ( Read more... )

I've had a fairly action packed week this week ( Read more... )

Apologies, but I have to get this rant off my chest:

I hate councellors, yes nearly all of them.  They speak such bollocks in a really smug, annoyingly calm and all knowing manner.  Such a mightier than thou persona.  This is not just whilst councelling, it's all the bloody time!

For the past few weeks I my head has been so mixed up that I've been unable to even think about writing any of it down.  Every aspect of my life has been full of confusion, dissatisfaction and indecision.   I've finally made a decision as to what to do with the next few years of my life (regarding career and study) and my mind is sufficiently out ( Read more... )

I've had a fairly eventful few weeks, albeit largely indirectly.  I'll start where I left off with Pesach.  The 2nd seder was good fun. There were 11 of us including Peter and his parents.  I prepared some passover catchphrases, but obviously nobody is on my wavelength, as they needed a lot of help to work them out!  meh, need to go to bed now, I' ( Read more... )

Feeling incredibly melancholy about life in general at the moment.  I'm bored of life, not excited by any prospects of anything and am not really enjoying anything.  I'm finding living at home pretty tough, despite it being much cleaner and am discovering more and more awkward, impractical quirks that I seen to posess.  Although nothing ( Read more... )

Well, the 1st week of school holidays is drawing to an end.  It's not been a bad week as such, but I've been cranky and exhausted.  This could partially be due to temporarily taking tablets that are messing around with my hormones; it does say on the label to be careful if you suffer from depression.  Last night I was having suicidal thoughts, but ( Read more... )

I'm feeling really quite down and quite rubbish, but I presume it's largely hormone related.  I need a hug badly, but don't have anyone to go to nearby.  The one person I should be able to go to, I don't feel close enough to do so.  I'm lonely and dissatisfied, but have no real reason to be.  I feel as though I'm making sacrifices that I shouldn't ( Read more... )