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6 years later and I'm at my highest weight. I can't remember how to fast, I can't remember how to hurt. I cry because I know I've damaged myself and I can't go back. Where did the willpower go and where inside me can I find it?
Obsession is the only way it works - once I forget about myself I grow. If I carve the magic into my skin it will remind me ( Read more... ) -
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I'm keeping a track of my eating again ( Read more... ) -
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420 calories by 1pm!! *headdesk ( Read more... ) -
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I will not die to make you proud
I was in this place before you came
All my hopes and pride
With one word, replaced by shame
I came to you looking for support
A comforting arm, a listening ear
You turned me out and laughed in my face
Not quite good enough to fit in here.
In the background i hear you whisper "wannarexic"
and "she's so fat, look what she's ( Read more... ) -
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I did okay yesterday - 2 lbs down
550 calories in all (and I was home the whole time)
Its much better than I usually do...
But I was really hoping to stay under 500 calories
But I couldnt sleep from the hunger pangs
Plus I was getting snarky ; )
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102 lbs
I'm finally back down to 102
My lowest weight
So close to my goal weight - and then i eat lunch!
Why do I always sabotauge my hard work when i get near the end?
It's like my mind is doesnt want me to get there...
I hate myself sometimes!
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Back to 47 kg
So that's the holiday weight gain dealt with!
New Year's Eve tomorrow may have some more fatty mcfatty food for me to eat - but at least it wont last as long as christmas - plus I can detox straight after.
I'm looking to lose another 5 lbs or so before my birthday - mean I need to make a deficit of 400 cals per day
100 cals can be done through ( Read more... ) -
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I'm really relieved to have got my period today.
It kinda explains the 2 lbs gain and why I feel so shitty.
I've got 100 spots and everything
My plan is to start my weekend detox tomorrow.
So today is prepartion day.
I'm trying to drink lots of water and I have only had 1 cup of tea so far. -
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This has got to be the worst time in the world to lose weight.
I've gone back up to 47 kg - i feel so useless. -
Its almost the end of the summer holidays
And I guess I did ok... 6 pounds lost isnt that much. But at least it's gone down ( Read more... )