"Getting Help" is like the worse thing. You feel helpless and you feel like you lose yourself in someone else's opinion. No one knows me better than me so why do I feel the need to seek help from someone? What if they don't understand and assume shit about me because they didn't hear something right and it just snowballs into something worse. Right ( Read more... )

Okay, to lighten the foreboding mood around here, I thought I'd post some of my horror reviews that I originally blogged on (the evil) Myspace. Lighten the mood? With horror? YES!! My life has been a yo-yo commandeered by Satan, Jesus and all kinds of various assholes so horror is something that I enjoy and I'm proud of my reviews ( Read more... )

My life has been a yo-yo since I moved up here. Happy to experience new things, pissed that the people here suck and that I miss driving old Kentucky backroads. Happy to live in a nice condo, pissed that I didn't work for it and feel like I didn't earn it. Up and down. Ya know, the usual things that go on in one's life ( Read more... )

So, the last entry was all this shit about feeling good and whatnot. Well, I've been back up here for about five days and back in my routine of hating things, "losing it", getting shaky, feeling dread, feeling sick, missing friends and family and most of all I'm feeling the monsters grabbing me by my 36DD's and not letting go. I hate the fact that ( Read more... )

I've been less depressed, so that's a good thing. I've been eating less and writing music to feel good physically and mentally. Visiting my parents to get away from scary northerners was my weekend. Trying to exorcise my demons out before heading back to Munster. Dreading the job search, looking forward to income. Thinking of other music ideas ( Read more... )

The Emperor concert was fucking awesome. I can't stop thinking about it. FRONT FUCKING ROW!!!!! My right ear is still ringing, my whole body is sore, I got thrown into the stage stairs, and then elbowed the bitch in the tits that did it HA!!! Dude, it was AMAZING; it was the biggest fucking rush! Ihsahn, "the leader", looked over at me a few times ( Read more... )

Okay, so two days ago was my 24th birthday and it was the shit! I GOT MY TICKETS TO SEE EMPEROR!!!!!! Holy fucking HELL!! This is something to make every black metal fan cream their panties. I'm fucking lucky, dude. In 4 days, my ears will hate me, but hate on lil ears, hate on. I just came from Applebees which really sucked, but I had a kickass ( Read more... )

Dude, looking back on these old ass entries (which I have since deleted) I was getting depressed. I'm trying to focus on good shit right now though my life is weird lately. Fun stuff. It's AMAZING how having a shitty ass mother fucking job can ruin your mood, and make you a sour-ass person. I was so stressed from the uncomfortable environment. I ( Read more... )

I went from being the life of the party to where there's no life and no party. I currently don't have a job. I have rid myself of the stress of shitty work life, but now I have to deal with the stress of getting my bills paid. Yeah, well right now obviously I need a break. I moved up here after a hellish week of work only to go right back to work 3 ( Read more... )

Now are the times I wish I could be in Kentucky. I'm inspired to write and I have no way to convey what I am feeling into the music. Back in the day I would drive around the backroads with some weed and feel the inspiration come to me. Not here. The only time I find myself having weed is when I'm driving to Scary Gary Indiana to pick it up from a ( Read more... )