::sigh:: Tis been a while since last posting, but music has kept my interest in the past days, my saving grace, my sanity. As of late I have thought of "family" and wondered at times if they will still be there for me in the future. Addy was always kind of in and out, but I still love her, and Mariana, I truely hope that she will not stray and ( Read more... )

A new emotion has moved in, anger. I hate that the meds don't help me feel better, but rather to destroy every little annoyance in my life. Like stupid collage kids, if they are going to school to be smart, then why do they all act so fucking stupid?!!! I suppose they haven't acheived a higher level of intelligence yet. "KILL ERIC CROWE" and win a ( Read more... )

Staying busy with music, and need to find work. Went with beth to get her pierced. Tired of hurting and want what once was.

Frustrated and miserable, day after day I fall a little more. Easter was absolute hell and wanted nothing more than to just fall off the face of the earth. I looking in my attic to see how the joists were placed, just trying to find some sort of comfort in knowing that I can just hang myself and end what all is inside that hurts. I want to talk ( Read more... )

I am alive and alone. The apartment is ok, but devoid of the most important thing, beth. That's all I have for an update.

Not much to say, only wish that I didn't have to say it at all, but I need to. I have been in an intitution since last wednesday for depression and suicidal ideology. I don't feel like I did when I went in, but I do still hurt, and I know that I will for a while. I will be moving out of 123 North Ave. tomorrow, and will begin life anew in an ( Read more... )

Late nights and huddle house. Asthma is declining. Dealing and coping as best I can. Not suicidal at the moment, actually rather stable, but that can change from moment to moment. Wheeee emotional rollercoaster....dammit. Got The Darkness Cd and a shirt, I like them, oh so much cheese. got a burn of the Probot cd, it's solid, but less kick ass than ( Read more... )

So you think I have moved on? She was suicidal and I wanted to help. You even encourage that I do so, so why now is it that I moved on? I still torture myself day in and day out about losing all we had. I try to think I could move on, but I know that it is not possible. I just do not wish to be alone and try in anyway possible to communicate with ( Read more... )

I want to bite, scratch and claw it all away till I discover the source of this pain and can rip it out of my being. I do not want to be here any longer, I have grown tired of this fucking daily pain! Another weekend of sleeping alone, whereas I didn't have to over the past 3 years! Just a repeat of Valentines. I want to cut out my brain and see ( Read more... )

I can't say that I feel much like writing right now, or much else for that matter, like taking the next breath. I am so cold right now, both inside and out. I used to feel warm when I went to bed, but that feeling has since passed and I wish it hadn't. I wish a lot of things, but that never seems to do any good. I have noticed that over the past ( Read more... )