FIC: Assassination 5/10
This is what I like to call The Hunky Dory Chapter...
If anyone has any questions or qualms about this fic, please refer to the comments on the last chapter, or feel free to post questions and comments to this chapter, because I really enjoyed talking about Ch. 4, and I kind of miss fic discussion. Thanks for reading!
Previous Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4
The Assassination of Brian Kinney By the Model James Ford
The Assassination of Brian Kinney By the Model James Ford
By Violet Jones
Chapter 5
Brian climbed the last flight of stairs with a trepidation he hadn’t felt during the rest of the fifteen-minute walk from his hotel. Without the ominous presence of the door on the landing ahead of him, he’d seemed to have readopted his old swagger and felt good about what lie ahead.
Most people… conventional people, liked to say that sex couldn’t solve everything. Maybe that was true… in conventional relationships. Brian however, knew from previous experience that with Justin, sex could in fact symbolize a clean slate.
No matter that Justin’s tone when he’d told him to come over had been sultry; Justin was never intentionally suggestive. He never tried to be sexy, and when he was it came naturally. It was the mere fact that Justin had invited him over in the first place that let Brian know that Justin wanted to have sex.
‘And sex is tantamount to a reunion, right?’
At least that’s what Brian had been thinking until he’d spotted Justin’s apartment door, and realized that he’d never seen it before.
A million doubts resurfaced as he eyed it uncertainly, the main one having something to do with the physical distance that now separated their lives from one another.
Without Pittsburgh to bind them together, what hope did they really have?
‘Why would Justin come back to Pittsburgh?’
Brian shook his head and steeled himself, putting his thoughts on hold as he walked the remainder of the steps to Justin’s door, and paused again briefly to make sure he’d gathered all of his wits.
‘Fuck it,’ he thought. ‘Fuck it all.’
He knocked on the door.
***** ~ *****
“Come in!” Justin yelled, still lying on the bed.
He was currently propped up on some pillows, smoking a cigarette, something he rarely did these days unless he was drinking.
He heard the door open and close, and listened attentively to the Prada boot footsteps approaching his bedroom door.
And suddenly, there was Brian, in all his confident, sexy, smirking glory. The bright light of the sunset shone through the big bedroom window, casting him in an ethereal glow offset by the vertical blinds that hung between he and the glass. Justin thought he might’ve gasped as he drank in the vision, feeling like this was the first time he’d seen Brian in a year.
He watched as Brian leaned casually against the doorjamb, wearing one of his black leather jackets over a wife-beater and jeans, and waited for him to speak.
“Don’t you know that living in a place like New York City, it’s advisable to keep your door locked at all times?”
“I do know that. I was preoccupied when I came in.”
“Furthermore,” Brian went on without pause, “it’s also a good idea to find out who’s on the other side of the door, before inviting them in.”
“I knew it was you.”
“No, you thought it was me.”
“No, I knew,” Justin said, grinning and raising his eyebrows in challenge.
They stared at one another briefly, before Brian looked away, unable to hide his smile.
“So, Mr. Taylor, why have I been summoned to the penniless sitar player’s humble abode?”
“You know why,” Justin replied, stubbing out his cigarette in the bedside ashtray, before adding, “Mr. Kinney.”
“Maybe I wanna hear you say it. I mean, the other night I couldn’t even mention sex without you getting more uptight than a Republican grandmother, and then there’s been that odd trend of you only seeing me in public places. Silly me, I thought you might’ve been avoiding something.”
Justin had always found it odd that Brian rarely showed emotion, unless he was on the attack. He had the ability to read people like books, and only when he decided to call them on their bullshit did he reveal the truth about his own feelings, always hidden behind a layer of confrontation, to be dismissed as a witty battle of words where Brian could get the one-up and thus reign supreme as Smarter Than Everyone.
The thing was, he never quite beat Justin.
“So what if I was?” Justin said. “I’ve changed my mind.”
As he said the words, his own mind flashed back to the day Brian had said those words to him just before proposing marriage as Justin stood in front of him in astonished wonder.
Brian blanched at his own words thrown back at him, and Justin felt some relief that Brian had remembered them. He hadn’t meant for it to sound as if he were lashing out at him, but he may have said it just so, unintentionally triggering dangerous memories. Why had he gone and done that?
But Brian recovered quickly.
“What do you want from me, Justin?” he said, straightening up and crossing his arms.
“I don’t know,” Justin said softly, looking away. “What do you want from me?”
In his peripheral vision, he saw Brian look away before answering.
“I don’t know.”
There was an uncomfortable silence as Justin stared at the window, not really seeing it, and Brian stared at the dirty hardwood floor, studying the discoloration of certain slats.
It was Justin who looked back first, and seeing the genuine caring and confusion on Brian’s face, decided to stop purposely dancing around the issue.
“C’mere,” he beckoned.
He watched as Brian looked up hopefully, then hesitated. He half-expected him to say, ‘Are you sure?’ but he didn’t. At least, not in words.
He slid off his coat, flung it onto the dresser, and kicked off his shoes, before slowly and tentatively climbing onto the bed.
Justin’s dick became half-hard just watching as Brian crawled up over his body on all fours barely touching him, only skimming his sides as he went, growing harder all the while as Brian sat back against Justin’s thighs, and they were face to face, locked in a penetrating gaze.
Justin could see that Brian wanted to say something and knew him well enough to realize that he’d have to wait for him to figure out how to articulate it, because Brian had never been good at meaningful verbal expression.
Justin continued to look into Brian’s eyes patiently, absently playing with a small hole that was forming at the knee of Brian’s jeans.
“I know I’ve already said it,” Brian finally said, “but I miss you.”
He paused, and Justin waited still, because he could tell there was more.
“I’ve missed you more than I’ve ever missed anyone, which has been making me… a little crazy.”
Justin smiled and touched Brian’s face.
“Now you know how I’ve felt all these years,” he laughed.
“I’m sorry,” Brian said with an expression so heartfelt, he seemed to be saying it for every fucked up thing he’d ever done to Justin since the day they met.
“Me too,” Justin replied, hoping he’d conveyed at least half the emotion that Brian had.
He imagined he’d accomplished his goal, because Brian leaned in to kiss him sweetly and tenderly, an act Justin had been aching for in the worst way.
Reconnecting sexually had never been a problem for Brian and Justin. Reunion sex for them went pretty much the same as he figured it did for most people… amazingly awesome.
‘No,’ Justin thought. ‘Not reunion sex. Not make-up sex. Just sex. Non-defined, non-denominational sex.’
But as things got heated and Brian was on the brink of entering him again after such a long absence, Justin realized that it was necessary. That he not only wanted Brian inside him, he needed Brian inside him.
Focusing on this thought, Justin let everything else leave his brain and looked up into Brian’s eyes. With renewed fervor, Justin deepened their kisses, running his fingers through Brian’s hair as Brian stroked his thighs.
He broke the kiss and gestured to the bedside drawer, letting Brian retrieve the condom and lube.
As Brian hastily prepared him, Justin wavered, caught between wanting to voice the emotions running through him, and wanting to squelch them.
“Brian,” he said, not knowing where to go from there.
Brian looked at him questioningly.
Rather than continue his thought, he brought Brian in for a quick kiss, and lifted his legs onto Brian’s shoulders.
As Brian slid slowly inside of him, he studied the man’s face, noting the old familiar way his mouth slackened as his tongue furled, his forehead and lip gathering sweat as his eyes squinted shut in concentration, and his hips began to set a pace.
Justin could barely exhale as he got lost staring at Brian, the beauty he’d missed so much etched into every feature of his visage. To look upon it again, to bask in the waves of passion the sight brought to surface, was an act so enrapturing that Justin forgot to move.
And then Brian opened his eyes, peering straight into Justin’s, and he could feel the love flowing between them, palpitating with a life of its own, just like it always had, even before he’d dared to call it love on Brian’s behalf. How foolish he’d been believing for even a second that it wasn’t. How stupid of him to let Brian deceive him for all those years.
But none of that mattered now.
‘Right now, we’re here,’ thought Justin. ‘And we’re in love.’
Armed with Brian’s tacit reassurance, Justin began to push back, altering the rhythm Brian had established, and making it theirs.
Brian acknowledged the shift by leaning in for an ardent kiss, and truly letting himself go.
All of a sudden they were in that old comfortable place… underneath a light installation, atop Brian’s enormous bed, bathed in blue, orange, and white light.
They were in their element, free to take out all their emotions on one another, the love and the hate, the joy and the anger, the longing and the torment, and every opposing emotion in between.
Justin hadn’t felt so alive in what seemed like forever. Even the artwork he’d been creating lately hadn’t felt good enough. The pieces he’d ended up displaying in his current show had all been painted immediately following his departure from Pittsburgh, when he’d had something real on his mind. Everything since then had been a little too superficial in his eyes. He’d begun to fear he was becoming a vapid cynic and had resorted back to primarily drawing the human form in pencil, retracing his roots, and trying to find something to build on from there.
But this… this moment, this act… this was the full body inspiration he’d been lacking. He could already feel the painting being born in his head.
Justin gasped as Brian drove his cock in deeper, sliding sinuously against his prostate, enticing Justin to push back harder and the pace quickened, swelling frantically towards climax.
Justin’s legs slipped from Brian’s shoulders, and Brian straightened his torso and grabbed Justin behind the knees, holding him in place as he pumped in and out.
Justin’s eyes closed in ecstasy, but when his brain registered the action, he quickly reopened them, moaning loudly.
Brian grunted, and Justin, knowing the man was about to come, pulled him down, licking Brian’s lips before capturing them in a bruising kiss.
Brian thrust once, twice, and came, pausing briefly as it happened. Then he picked right back up where he left off, making quick work of bringing Justin to a hard, starry-eyed orgasm of his own.
As soon as Justin stopped writhing, Brian collapsed on top of him, and Justin had to adjust his body in order to accommodate their new position, before closing his eyes to try and gather his bearings, absently stroking Brian’s wet, tosseled hair.
‘Yes,’ thought Justin. ‘This is exactly what I needed.’
***** ~ *****
Brian’s head lay in the crook of Justin’s neck, his forehead tickled by the once again longish blond hair, his nose grazing soft, flushed skin as he inhaled the heady scent of Justin’s sweat mingled with his natural fragrance, his parted lips pressed against Justin’s delicate clavicle as he gasped for air.
All too soon, it came time to pull out, and he did so slowly, sliding down to rest his head against Justin’s slick chest. He listened to Justin’s hammering heartbeat, tracking the regression of the sound slowing down little by little and beginning to even out, as Brian’s consciousness faded with it, the steady pulsating eventually lulling him to sleep.
He awoke to the sound of a phone ringing from another room, his body involuntarily stiffening at the feel of another pressed against it. Then he realized it was Justin, and opened his eyes, focusing first on the tangle of limbs they’d become, then on Justin’s disgruntled sleepus interruptus expression. He smiled before Justin had a chance to notice.
“Did you want to get that?” Brian inquired groggily.
“What do you think!” snapped Justin nastily.
“I think that I didn’t miss your bitchy just-woke-up attitude.”
“Need I make a joke about your bitchy attitude toward everything and everyone in the world?”
“Nope.”
They paused to listen as Justin’s answering machine picked up. Brian felt an unexpected surge of warmth as Jennifer Taylor’s voice filled the tiny apartment. Ever since she’d expressed her enthusiasm for having him as a son-in-law, Brian had felt an odd attachment, and tenderness for the woman. He’d only seen her a couple of times since Justin had moved, but it was always sort of nice, even though it brought thoughts of Justin to the surface. It wasn’t like thoughts of Justin weren’t always lurking somewhere around his head anyway.
“Hi honey,” Jennifer said in near singsong. “I’m sorry again that I couldn’t make it to your opening the other night. I promise not to be on vacation next time. I really want to talk to you, though, to see how it went. Did anyone from Pittsburgh show up?”
Justin looked over at Brian and laughed.
“Well, I guess I’ll ask you later. Tuck says hi.”
Brian smirked bemusedly as Justin gave an exaggerated eye-roll, and a heavy sigh.
“Give my regards to James, if he’s still around.”
It was Justin’s turn to stiffen, as the smirk slid right off of Brian’s face.
“Bye, honey. I’ll try your cell phone in a little bit. Love you!”
The machine beeped, and Justin fixed his gaze intently on the bedroom ceiling.
“Your mother knows Redneck Boy?”
“Brian! He’s not a redneck.”
“Beside the point.”
“No. Of course my mother doesn’t know James. He answered the phone one time and apparently they hit it off. He’s good at charming the pants off people.”
“Yeah, I can tell,” he said bitterly, suddenly outside the recently reestablished comfort zone.
“Don’t fret about it, please. My mom still loves you, I promise. She mentions you all the time when I talk to her. She thinks we’re the Romeo & Juliet of the 21st Century, or something. Or did you forget that you eventually managed to charm the pants off her, too?”
“Well, I guess as long as I get to be Romeo…”
“Maybe I can be Julio...”
“No, definitely not Julio… maybe Julian.”
“Why not Julio? It’s more exotic.”
“Because Debbie once revealed to me that she fucked three guys at Woodstock, and she was on so much acid she thought all of them were named Julio.”
Justin laughed.
“Ewww… I can’t believe Debbie told you that.”
“It was in confidence, so don’t say anything.”
“Oh my god, are you being intimate with me?”
“What?” Brian said with a grimace. “I seem to recall licking your ass a few hours ago. If that’s not intimacy I don’t know what is.”
“Whatever, you’ve licked more asses than the entire Lower East and West Sides combined. But you never tell other people’s secrets… you don’t even tell your own fucking secrets, and I know you better than anybody.”
“Is that what you’ve been longing for? The day I gave you the dirt on everyone we know? Have we finally achieved the true intimacy your heart’s been desiring?”
Brian had said it in a mocking tone, but not viciously. He was merely trying to have a laugh with Justin, having steered clear of any potential arguing his mother’s message may have induced. Apparently his humor hit a little too close to home.
“Fuck you,” Justin said slapping at his arm and pushing him away, before getting up abruptly and heading to the bathroom, slamming the door shut.
Brian rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling, pinching the bridge of his nose. He always knew how to fuck it up without even trying.
He heard Justin turn the shower on, and vacillated between lying in bed and smoking a cigarette, and getting up to join him.
He opted for the latter, knowing that damage control needed to be immediate.
He pushed open the bathroom door, revealing a bathroom size-appropriate to the rest of the living space. Brian cringed a little at the thought of getting in the weathered looking shower, but did so despite his better judgment.
Justin turned as if expecting the intrusion, scowling nevertheless, and quickly turning back toward the spray.
Brian almost chuckled, but refrained. Instead he grabbed Justin by the shoulders and turned him around to face him.
“I didn’t mean it like that, okay? I was just fucking around.”
“Maybe we really shouldn’t talk, or listen to machine messages, because I think someone’s going to end up saying something they regret.”
“Is that not inevitable with us?”
“Maybe, but I don’t want to fight with you. I only have you for one more night.”
Brian’s heart clenched, and his body gave a slight outward shudder.
So many words threatened to spill from the tip of his tongue, and instead of swallowing them, he brought them to Justin’s lips unspoken, the way he had so many times before.
Fucking Justin in the shower had always been one of Brian’s favorite activities, despite it being more than a little tricky to maneuver. There was also the fact that one go around with Justin simply wasn’t acceptable. In fact, he couldn’t recall a day he’d ever fucked Justin only once. It was either multiple times, or none at all, and the more the better. Any day he’d spent not fucking Justin since they’d met, had been purely Brian’s fault in one way or another, not to mention that pesky coma, and that goddamn dick-debilitating cancer.
Fucking Justin was the most life-affirming act he’d ever participated in. The relief he’d felt in reliving the experience today had been overwhelming. Brian was almost surprised he hadn’t wept. Justin was the only person he’d ever had sex with that invaded every single sense he had, as if he were giving up control of them, surrendering them over to his Blond Boy mercy. Sometimes he felt too exposed and too vulnerable when he was in bed with Justin. He felt like Justin could somehow break him… his will, his convictions… everything he was, if he wanted to.
But of course, Justin never did that to him. He never wanted to own him like that. That had never been remotely a part of what he was after. But there was no shaking innate fear.
After a quickie in the shower, Brian led a pacified Justin back to bed in pursuit of round three.
“Wait, wait,” Justin giggled, batting Brian’s wandering hands away as they kissed on the bed.
“What?” Brian asked with faux disinterest as he slid down Justin’s body, attempting to catch his cock in his mouth as Justin wriggled around evadingly.
“Stop it!” Justin yelled, laughing hard this time. “I want to ask you a serious question!”
Brian pretended to stop and consider, while restraining Justin’s arms, “I think serious questions are off the table.”
“Brian! I’m for real!”
“Oh, you’re for real? Why didn’t you say so?” he said sardonically, before licking a stretch of Justin’s inner thigh that was particularly ticklish.
Justin let out a squeal, and kicked his knee up, but Brian saw it coming.
“I don’t like this, Brian!”
“Really? You’re dick says otherwise.”
“It acts of its own volition most of the time. It doesn’t speak on my behalf.”
It was Brian’s turn to laugh hard, “You’re so full of shit.”
“Just one quick question, it’s not that serious,” Justin said, still struggling.
“Surrender to the blowjob, and you may ask your question.”
“Oh my god! This is the most twisted game of ‘Mother May I’ I’ve ever played. You’re a hot mom, by the way.”
“That,” said Brian, “will merely earn you a spanking.”
“Okay, okay,” Justin caved. “Blow me already.”
Brian chuckled and went to town.
Normally he wasn’t particularly fond of giving blowjobs. He knew that was a highly unorthodox view in gay society, but that didn’t make it any less true. For the most part he stuck to the receiving end of things. ‘You blow me, I fuck you,’ was a sort of implicit motto he’d prided himself on for over a decade. However, there was something about Justin’s cock that made the act of felatio infinitely more enticing to Brian.
He supposed over time it became about more than just his exquisite dick. It became about pleasuring Justin, because he wanted to. Because it felt really good to satisfy him so completely. He supposed it was all a part of the growing intimacy Justin had spoken of earlier, and the love Brian had developed for him over time.
Brian wondered if Justin could appreciate the sentiment… ‘I suck your cock regularly, therefore I love you, and that should be enough intimacy for anyone.’
“So, what was it you wanted to ask me?” Brian asked amusedly as soon as he’d finished swallowing Justin’s cum.
Justin was still trying to catch his breath, but managed to smack Brian on the chest in annoyance.
“You’re such a child, you know that?” he said through his ragged breathing.
“Albeit highly adept at sexual acts,” Brian boasted.
“Right, well, don’t expect reciprocation.”
“I don’t.”
“Of course you don’t,” Justin said in a flat tone of disbelief.
“I don’t expect it, I choose to believe it’s an imminent probability.”
“I just said I wasn’t going to reciprocate.”
“I heard what you said, but then I thought about how much you love cock in your mouth, so I figured I can’t trust your words.”
Justin’s jaw dropped, and he rolled on top of Brian, pinching his nipples hard.
“You fucker,” he said as Brian winced. “All I wanted to ask you in the first place is what your schedule’s like tomorrow, and when you have to leave.”
“I leave tomorrow night, and I have a late afternoon meeting beforehand.”
“So we can do it all night, and all day if we want to?”
“I didn’t realize I’d be needing Ted’s Viagra on this trip. Will any rest be had between these prolonged throes of passion?”
“Maybe.”
“Do we have to stay here in your crappy apartment?”
“Yes.”
“Fine,” he said in a put upon huff. “I guess your plan is doable.”
“Good.”
“Now back to this reciprocation thing…”
***** ***** ***** *****
If anyone has any questions or qualms about this fic, please refer to the comments on the last chapter, or feel free to post questions and comments to this chapter, because I really enjoyed talking about Ch. 4, and I kind of miss fic discussion. Thanks for reading!
Previous Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4
The Assassination of Brian Kinney By the Model James Ford
The Assassination of Brian Kinney By the Model James Ford
By Violet Jones
Chapter 5
Brian climbed the last flight of stairs with a trepidation he hadn’t felt during the rest of the fifteen-minute walk from his hotel. Without the ominous presence of the door on the landing ahead of him, he’d seemed to have readopted his old swagger and felt good about what lie ahead.
Most people… conventional people, liked to say that sex couldn’t solve everything. Maybe that was true… in conventional relationships. Brian however, knew from previous experience that with Justin, sex could in fact symbolize a clean slate.
No matter that Justin’s tone when he’d told him to come over had been sultry; Justin was never intentionally suggestive. He never tried to be sexy, and when he was it came naturally. It was the mere fact that Justin had invited him over in the first place that let Brian know that Justin wanted to have sex.
‘And sex is tantamount to a reunion, right?’
At least that’s what Brian had been thinking until he’d spotted Justin’s apartment door, and realized that he’d never seen it before.
A million doubts resurfaced as he eyed it uncertainly, the main one having something to do with the physical distance that now separated their lives from one another.
Without Pittsburgh to bind them together, what hope did they really have?
‘Why would Justin come back to Pittsburgh?’
Brian shook his head and steeled himself, putting his thoughts on hold as he walked the remainder of the steps to Justin’s door, and paused again briefly to make sure he’d gathered all of his wits.
‘Fuck it,’ he thought. ‘Fuck it all.’
He knocked on the door.
***** ~ *****
“Come in!” Justin yelled, still lying on the bed.
He was currently propped up on some pillows, smoking a cigarette, something he rarely did these days unless he was drinking.
He heard the door open and close, and listened attentively to the Prada boot footsteps approaching his bedroom door.
And suddenly, there was Brian, in all his confident, sexy, smirking glory. The bright light of the sunset shone through the big bedroom window, casting him in an ethereal glow offset by the vertical blinds that hung between he and the glass. Justin thought he might’ve gasped as he drank in the vision, feeling like this was the first time he’d seen Brian in a year.
He watched as Brian leaned casually against the doorjamb, wearing one of his black leather jackets over a wife-beater and jeans, and waited for him to speak.
“Don’t you know that living in a place like New York City, it’s advisable to keep your door locked at all times?”
“I do know that. I was preoccupied when I came in.”
“Furthermore,” Brian went on without pause, “it’s also a good idea to find out who’s on the other side of the door, before inviting them in.”
“I knew it was you.”
“No, you thought it was me.”
“No, I knew,” Justin said, grinning and raising his eyebrows in challenge.
They stared at one another briefly, before Brian looked away, unable to hide his smile.
“So, Mr. Taylor, why have I been summoned to the penniless sitar player’s humble abode?”
“You know why,” Justin replied, stubbing out his cigarette in the bedside ashtray, before adding, “Mr. Kinney.”
“Maybe I wanna hear you say it. I mean, the other night I couldn’t even mention sex without you getting more uptight than a Republican grandmother, and then there’s been that odd trend of you only seeing me in public places. Silly me, I thought you might’ve been avoiding something.”
Justin had always found it odd that Brian rarely showed emotion, unless he was on the attack. He had the ability to read people like books, and only when he decided to call them on their bullshit did he reveal the truth about his own feelings, always hidden behind a layer of confrontation, to be dismissed as a witty battle of words where Brian could get the one-up and thus reign supreme as Smarter Than Everyone.
The thing was, he never quite beat Justin.
“So what if I was?” Justin said. “I’ve changed my mind.”
As he said the words, his own mind flashed back to the day Brian had said those words to him just before proposing marriage as Justin stood in front of him in astonished wonder.
Brian blanched at his own words thrown back at him, and Justin felt some relief that Brian had remembered them. He hadn’t meant for it to sound as if he were lashing out at him, but he may have said it just so, unintentionally triggering dangerous memories. Why had he gone and done that?
But Brian recovered quickly.
“What do you want from me, Justin?” he said, straightening up and crossing his arms.
“I don’t know,” Justin said softly, looking away. “What do you want from me?”
In his peripheral vision, he saw Brian look away before answering.
“I don’t know.”
There was an uncomfortable silence as Justin stared at the window, not really seeing it, and Brian stared at the dirty hardwood floor, studying the discoloration of certain slats.
It was Justin who looked back first, and seeing the genuine caring and confusion on Brian’s face, decided to stop purposely dancing around the issue.
“C’mere,” he beckoned.
He watched as Brian looked up hopefully, then hesitated. He half-expected him to say, ‘Are you sure?’ but he didn’t. At least, not in words.
He slid off his coat, flung it onto the dresser, and kicked off his shoes, before slowly and tentatively climbing onto the bed.
Justin’s dick became half-hard just watching as Brian crawled up over his body on all fours barely touching him, only skimming his sides as he went, growing harder all the while as Brian sat back against Justin’s thighs, and they were face to face, locked in a penetrating gaze.
Justin could see that Brian wanted to say something and knew him well enough to realize that he’d have to wait for him to figure out how to articulate it, because Brian had never been good at meaningful verbal expression.
Justin continued to look into Brian’s eyes patiently, absently playing with a small hole that was forming at the knee of Brian’s jeans.
“I know I’ve already said it,” Brian finally said, “but I miss you.”
He paused, and Justin waited still, because he could tell there was more.
“I’ve missed you more than I’ve ever missed anyone, which has been making me… a little crazy.”
Justin smiled and touched Brian’s face.
“Now you know how I’ve felt all these years,” he laughed.
“I’m sorry,” Brian said with an expression so heartfelt, he seemed to be saying it for every fucked up thing he’d ever done to Justin since the day they met.
“Me too,” Justin replied, hoping he’d conveyed at least half the emotion that Brian had.
He imagined he’d accomplished his goal, because Brian leaned in to kiss him sweetly and tenderly, an act Justin had been aching for in the worst way.
Reconnecting sexually had never been a problem for Brian and Justin. Reunion sex for them went pretty much the same as he figured it did for most people… amazingly awesome.
‘No,’ Justin thought. ‘Not reunion sex. Not make-up sex. Just sex. Non-defined, non-denominational sex.’
But as things got heated and Brian was on the brink of entering him again after such a long absence, Justin realized that it was necessary. That he not only wanted Brian inside him, he needed Brian inside him.
Focusing on this thought, Justin let everything else leave his brain and looked up into Brian’s eyes. With renewed fervor, Justin deepened their kisses, running his fingers through Brian’s hair as Brian stroked his thighs.
He broke the kiss and gestured to the bedside drawer, letting Brian retrieve the condom and lube.
As Brian hastily prepared him, Justin wavered, caught between wanting to voice the emotions running through him, and wanting to squelch them.
“Brian,” he said, not knowing where to go from there.
Brian looked at him questioningly.
Rather than continue his thought, he brought Brian in for a quick kiss, and lifted his legs onto Brian’s shoulders.
As Brian slid slowly inside of him, he studied the man’s face, noting the old familiar way his mouth slackened as his tongue furled, his forehead and lip gathering sweat as his eyes squinted shut in concentration, and his hips began to set a pace.
Justin could barely exhale as he got lost staring at Brian, the beauty he’d missed so much etched into every feature of his visage. To look upon it again, to bask in the waves of passion the sight brought to surface, was an act so enrapturing that Justin forgot to move.
And then Brian opened his eyes, peering straight into Justin’s, and he could feel the love flowing between them, palpitating with a life of its own, just like it always had, even before he’d dared to call it love on Brian’s behalf. How foolish he’d been believing for even a second that it wasn’t. How stupid of him to let Brian deceive him for all those years.
But none of that mattered now.
‘Right now, we’re here,’ thought Justin. ‘And we’re in love.’
Armed with Brian’s tacit reassurance, Justin began to push back, altering the rhythm Brian had established, and making it theirs.
Brian acknowledged the shift by leaning in for an ardent kiss, and truly letting himself go.
All of a sudden they were in that old comfortable place… underneath a light installation, atop Brian’s enormous bed, bathed in blue, orange, and white light.
They were in their element, free to take out all their emotions on one another, the love and the hate, the joy and the anger, the longing and the torment, and every opposing emotion in between.
Justin hadn’t felt so alive in what seemed like forever. Even the artwork he’d been creating lately hadn’t felt good enough. The pieces he’d ended up displaying in his current show had all been painted immediately following his departure from Pittsburgh, when he’d had something real on his mind. Everything since then had been a little too superficial in his eyes. He’d begun to fear he was becoming a vapid cynic and had resorted back to primarily drawing the human form in pencil, retracing his roots, and trying to find something to build on from there.
But this… this moment, this act… this was the full body inspiration he’d been lacking. He could already feel the painting being born in his head.
Justin gasped as Brian drove his cock in deeper, sliding sinuously against his prostate, enticing Justin to push back harder and the pace quickened, swelling frantically towards climax.
Justin’s legs slipped from Brian’s shoulders, and Brian straightened his torso and grabbed Justin behind the knees, holding him in place as he pumped in and out.
Justin’s eyes closed in ecstasy, but when his brain registered the action, he quickly reopened them, moaning loudly.
Brian grunted, and Justin, knowing the man was about to come, pulled him down, licking Brian’s lips before capturing them in a bruising kiss.
Brian thrust once, twice, and came, pausing briefly as it happened. Then he picked right back up where he left off, making quick work of bringing Justin to a hard, starry-eyed orgasm of his own.
As soon as Justin stopped writhing, Brian collapsed on top of him, and Justin had to adjust his body in order to accommodate their new position, before closing his eyes to try and gather his bearings, absently stroking Brian’s wet, tosseled hair.
‘Yes,’ thought Justin. ‘This is exactly what I needed.’
***** ~ *****
Brian’s head lay in the crook of Justin’s neck, his forehead tickled by the once again longish blond hair, his nose grazing soft, flushed skin as he inhaled the heady scent of Justin’s sweat mingled with his natural fragrance, his parted lips pressed against Justin’s delicate clavicle as he gasped for air.
All too soon, it came time to pull out, and he did so slowly, sliding down to rest his head against Justin’s slick chest. He listened to Justin’s hammering heartbeat, tracking the regression of the sound slowing down little by little and beginning to even out, as Brian’s consciousness faded with it, the steady pulsating eventually lulling him to sleep.
He awoke to the sound of a phone ringing from another room, his body involuntarily stiffening at the feel of another pressed against it. Then he realized it was Justin, and opened his eyes, focusing first on the tangle of limbs they’d become, then on Justin’s disgruntled sleepus interruptus expression. He smiled before Justin had a chance to notice.
“Did you want to get that?” Brian inquired groggily.
“What do you think!” snapped Justin nastily.
“I think that I didn’t miss your bitchy just-woke-up attitude.”
“Need I make a joke about your bitchy attitude toward everything and everyone in the world?”
“Nope.”
They paused to listen as Justin’s answering machine picked up. Brian felt an unexpected surge of warmth as Jennifer Taylor’s voice filled the tiny apartment. Ever since she’d expressed her enthusiasm for having him as a son-in-law, Brian had felt an odd attachment, and tenderness for the woman. He’d only seen her a couple of times since Justin had moved, but it was always sort of nice, even though it brought thoughts of Justin to the surface. It wasn’t like thoughts of Justin weren’t always lurking somewhere around his head anyway.
“Hi honey,” Jennifer said in near singsong. “I’m sorry again that I couldn’t make it to your opening the other night. I promise not to be on vacation next time. I really want to talk to you, though, to see how it went. Did anyone from Pittsburgh show up?”
Justin looked over at Brian and laughed.
“Well, I guess I’ll ask you later. Tuck says hi.”
Brian smirked bemusedly as Justin gave an exaggerated eye-roll, and a heavy sigh.
“Give my regards to James, if he’s still around.”
It was Justin’s turn to stiffen, as the smirk slid right off of Brian’s face.
“Bye, honey. I’ll try your cell phone in a little bit. Love you!”
The machine beeped, and Justin fixed his gaze intently on the bedroom ceiling.
“Your mother knows Redneck Boy?”
“Brian! He’s not a redneck.”
“Beside the point.”
“No. Of course my mother doesn’t know James. He answered the phone one time and apparently they hit it off. He’s good at charming the pants off people.”
“Yeah, I can tell,” he said bitterly, suddenly outside the recently reestablished comfort zone.
“Don’t fret about it, please. My mom still loves you, I promise. She mentions you all the time when I talk to her. She thinks we’re the Romeo & Juliet of the 21st Century, or something. Or did you forget that you eventually managed to charm the pants off her, too?”
“Well, I guess as long as I get to be Romeo…”
“Maybe I can be Julio...”
“No, definitely not Julio… maybe Julian.”
“Why not Julio? It’s more exotic.”
“Because Debbie once revealed to me that she fucked three guys at Woodstock, and she was on so much acid she thought all of them were named Julio.”
Justin laughed.
“Ewww… I can’t believe Debbie told you that.”
“It was in confidence, so don’t say anything.”
“Oh my god, are you being intimate with me?”
“What?” Brian said with a grimace. “I seem to recall licking your ass a few hours ago. If that’s not intimacy I don’t know what is.”
“Whatever, you’ve licked more asses than the entire Lower East and West Sides combined. But you never tell other people’s secrets… you don’t even tell your own fucking secrets, and I know you better than anybody.”
“Is that what you’ve been longing for? The day I gave you the dirt on everyone we know? Have we finally achieved the true intimacy your heart’s been desiring?”
Brian had said it in a mocking tone, but not viciously. He was merely trying to have a laugh with Justin, having steered clear of any potential arguing his mother’s message may have induced. Apparently his humor hit a little too close to home.
“Fuck you,” Justin said slapping at his arm and pushing him away, before getting up abruptly and heading to the bathroom, slamming the door shut.
Brian rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling, pinching the bridge of his nose. He always knew how to fuck it up without even trying.
He heard Justin turn the shower on, and vacillated between lying in bed and smoking a cigarette, and getting up to join him.
He opted for the latter, knowing that damage control needed to be immediate.
He pushed open the bathroom door, revealing a bathroom size-appropriate to the rest of the living space. Brian cringed a little at the thought of getting in the weathered looking shower, but did so despite his better judgment.
Justin turned as if expecting the intrusion, scowling nevertheless, and quickly turning back toward the spray.
Brian almost chuckled, but refrained. Instead he grabbed Justin by the shoulders and turned him around to face him.
“I didn’t mean it like that, okay? I was just fucking around.”
“Maybe we really shouldn’t talk, or listen to machine messages, because I think someone’s going to end up saying something they regret.”
“Is that not inevitable with us?”
“Maybe, but I don’t want to fight with you. I only have you for one more night.”
Brian’s heart clenched, and his body gave a slight outward shudder.
So many words threatened to spill from the tip of his tongue, and instead of swallowing them, he brought them to Justin’s lips unspoken, the way he had so many times before.
Fucking Justin in the shower had always been one of Brian’s favorite activities, despite it being more than a little tricky to maneuver. There was also the fact that one go around with Justin simply wasn’t acceptable. In fact, he couldn’t recall a day he’d ever fucked Justin only once. It was either multiple times, or none at all, and the more the better. Any day he’d spent not fucking Justin since they’d met, had been purely Brian’s fault in one way or another, not to mention that pesky coma, and that goddamn dick-debilitating cancer.
Fucking Justin was the most life-affirming act he’d ever participated in. The relief he’d felt in reliving the experience today had been overwhelming. Brian was almost surprised he hadn’t wept. Justin was the only person he’d ever had sex with that invaded every single sense he had, as if he were giving up control of them, surrendering them over to his Blond Boy mercy. Sometimes he felt too exposed and too vulnerable when he was in bed with Justin. He felt like Justin could somehow break him… his will, his convictions… everything he was, if he wanted to.
But of course, Justin never did that to him. He never wanted to own him like that. That had never been remotely a part of what he was after. But there was no shaking innate fear.
After a quickie in the shower, Brian led a pacified Justin back to bed in pursuit of round three.
“Wait, wait,” Justin giggled, batting Brian’s wandering hands away as they kissed on the bed.
“What?” Brian asked with faux disinterest as he slid down Justin’s body, attempting to catch his cock in his mouth as Justin wriggled around evadingly.
“Stop it!” Justin yelled, laughing hard this time. “I want to ask you a serious question!”
Brian pretended to stop and consider, while restraining Justin’s arms, “I think serious questions are off the table.”
“Brian! I’m for real!”
“Oh, you’re for real? Why didn’t you say so?” he said sardonically, before licking a stretch of Justin’s inner thigh that was particularly ticklish.
Justin let out a squeal, and kicked his knee up, but Brian saw it coming.
“I don’t like this, Brian!”
“Really? You’re dick says otherwise.”
“It acts of its own volition most of the time. It doesn’t speak on my behalf.”
It was Brian’s turn to laugh hard, “You’re so full of shit.”
“Just one quick question, it’s not that serious,” Justin said, still struggling.
“Surrender to the blowjob, and you may ask your question.”
“Oh my god! This is the most twisted game of ‘Mother May I’ I’ve ever played. You’re a hot mom, by the way.”
“That,” said Brian, “will merely earn you a spanking.”
“Okay, okay,” Justin caved. “Blow me already.”
Brian chuckled and went to town.
Normally he wasn’t particularly fond of giving blowjobs. He knew that was a highly unorthodox view in gay society, but that didn’t make it any less true. For the most part he stuck to the receiving end of things. ‘You blow me, I fuck you,’ was a sort of implicit motto he’d prided himself on for over a decade. However, there was something about Justin’s cock that made the act of felatio infinitely more enticing to Brian.
He supposed over time it became about more than just his exquisite dick. It became about pleasuring Justin, because he wanted to. Because it felt really good to satisfy him so completely. He supposed it was all a part of the growing intimacy Justin had spoken of earlier, and the love Brian had developed for him over time.
Brian wondered if Justin could appreciate the sentiment… ‘I suck your cock regularly, therefore I love you, and that should be enough intimacy for anyone.’
“So, what was it you wanted to ask me?” Brian asked amusedly as soon as he’d finished swallowing Justin’s cum.
Justin was still trying to catch his breath, but managed to smack Brian on the chest in annoyance.
“You’re such a child, you know that?” he said through his ragged breathing.
“Albeit highly adept at sexual acts,” Brian boasted.
“Right, well, don’t expect reciprocation.”
“I don’t.”
“Of course you don’t,” Justin said in a flat tone of disbelief.
“I don’t expect it, I choose to believe it’s an imminent probability.”
“I just said I wasn’t going to reciprocate.”
“I heard what you said, but then I thought about how much you love cock in your mouth, so I figured I can’t trust your words.”
Justin’s jaw dropped, and he rolled on top of Brian, pinching his nipples hard.
“You fucker,” he said as Brian winced. “All I wanted to ask you in the first place is what your schedule’s like tomorrow, and when you have to leave.”
“I leave tomorrow night, and I have a late afternoon meeting beforehand.”
“So we can do it all night, and all day if we want to?”
“I didn’t realize I’d be needing Ted’s Viagra on this trip. Will any rest be had between these prolonged throes of passion?”
“Maybe.”
“Do we have to stay here in your crappy apartment?”
“Yes.”
“Fine,” he said in a put upon huff. “I guess your plan is doable.”
“Good.”
“Now back to this reciprocation thing…”
***** ***** ***** *****