i did something a little crazy saturday night. its stange how some people react to things that arent normal. Some that are close to you tell you your crazy and that they dont need another crazy person in their life. Another person, a trusted friend just smiled and gave me a hug. she let me stay at her place for a while, she provided a space ( Read more... )

i couldnt wait up again, i hate to keep wondering, even when i know that there's no real reason to worry. I decided to stay at leslie's on tuesday night. I havent stayed at anyone else's home since my appartment burnt down. i needed to get out of my house. my home was reminding me too much of what bothers me. i love my home and who i live with, ( Read more... )

i had some people over this weekend. its was cool... they liked my food, we had some fun. I tried to have an art party but that didnt go so well. i focussed more on food than i did the activity. i learned that i need to bring the supplies for my guests ( Read more... )

my friends were so patient with me last night. i have alot of anxiety, as time progesses its clear that this anxiety is environmentally provoked and not biological. they really helped me calm down. I must have spent almost an hour on the phone with each of them ( Read more... )

i have this class, this class that is stressing me beyond belief. i just cant believe how difficult they can be. today, for the first time ever, kids were throwing spit balls at me.. thats terrible. the thing is, i'm doing my job. i'm calling parents, i've provided a reward systems, i update them on thier grades, i've had one on one conferences ( Read more... )

My brother has been calling more. The reality has been hitting me that there are two gay men in our family. Its also been hitting me that the day my parents find out their last hope (my little bro) is gay, they are going to break down. He's grown so much. I still think of this awkward high school kid, he's not that at all. He has started his ( Read more... )

i just thought of april, my high school girlfriend. its amazing how three dimmentional some memories can be. i can hear the rasp at the end of her voice. i miss her affection and her constant interst in me. She thought about me often. It felt good to be the object of her affection. She felt so warm. Her humor and carcasm i'll love the best, ( Read more... )

its parent teacher night. So that means i am at i.s. 223 for 12 hours today. Yeah i get a 2.5 hour break- big deal, i hate long days. I love seeing parents, don’t get me wrong, it helps me and the students so much, i just hate long days ( Read more... )

why do i feel so uncertain at home? i catch my self wondering, i wonder so much i forget i;m doing it. i dont know how to trust my own jelousy. its this new emotion im constantly feeling. And then there's this shadow figure, who walked into my life a little less than a year ago. His bleach tipped hair and lonl wook coat provoke the worst in me ( Read more... )

I fell asleep in his arms... things are growing and its nice ( Read more... )