This song gets to me. In a major way. I guess it's because I wish I could believe/experience the refrain. That dawn will come and wash away the terrors that haunt me ( Read more... )

The Hunger Games books, and their accompanying movies have struck a peculiarly poignant tone with me, and I just got why. It's the fact that many of the main characters end up by the second or third movie, looking and sounding like many of the younger soldiers I saw during my last few years. Eyes that have seen too much, shoulders bent from burdens ( Read more... )

Long story short, lost, hurt, bitter, angry going towards furious, and I can't seem to care about any of that. I don't think there's a word for this

So I am officially in an odd place of late. I find myself suffering from a new type of depression. Where previously I turned things inward to devalue myself, now I find I care about next to nothing. Even things that normally interest me, or are actually important. I just don't care. Also unlike the previous bouts with depression, I feel little to ( Read more... )

So, the army pulls me away again. I had hoped to stay here, but I guess that's not to be. Tomorrow I leave for Fort Hood, Texas; and a deployment this summer ( Read more... )

All in all, not a bad weekend. But throughout the weekend, I had the giant grey elephant in the corner.I still care deeply for Kat. But beyond the worry that she's replaced me already, is the worry that she won't even be honest and open with me anymore. As much as I care for her, as much as I don't want to let go of her, I think things are past ( Read more... )

Not only am I done with dating, I'm done playing nice guy. And now, I'm done sparing people their feelings. I'm not gonna agree to stupid things like "let's be friends". F^& that. If I'm going to suffer and get hurt so will you. And I'm not going to give anyone the easy way out, just so they can leave with less guilt ( Read more... )

Back to the pills this week. No real choice in the matter, if I don't, something bad will happen, and possibly not to me either.

I'm done opening up to people, treating them fairly, honestly, and with everything I have. Without fail, this has ended in me left behind, while they go on to find happiness. Which is especially galling since at least half the time, they damn sure don't deserve it. So, time to go see the doc, and find a balance of pills that'll leave this nice numb ( Read more... )

"Look I find some of what you teach suspect. Becuase I'm used to relying on intellect, but I try to open up to what I don't know. Becuase reason says I should have died, two years ago ( Read more... )