im kinda glad that i didnt sleep with ryan while i was up there. i like him, i do and i could see something between us in the future, but i need to see something happening in the present before i do that, which i dont know if he is capable of. i find out tonight that jesse called while i was in orlando. omg! why? does he think about me still? was ( Read more... )

so it seems like he didnt miss me that much, which is fine. id rather realize that shit now. seems more like a back up. he said flat out that i like him more then he likes me. thats cool, guess he fixed that. what is the point in him finding me and saying all that stuff when he didnt really mean it? i like you, but not as much as someone else. gee ( Read more... )

im very upset today. im not sure why. i seem moody i guess, more negative then anything. not up and down, just cranky. im angry for every assumption that stupid people make, im mad about people thinking they have power over me, when they dont, i am upset that people talk to me like i am stupid on a regular basis. who the fuck do they think they are ( Read more... )

so turns out that ryan doesnt still hold those feelings for me. i thought he did, but he was talking like he wants me as a friend only. oh well. one less stresser. was just a nice self esteem booster to think that he still held a torch for me.

so for the past 2 hours ive been talking to ryan. thats right, ryan novak. wow. he says that he's missed me a lot. he's been thinking about me a lot for a while. he says he's been looking for me for months. wow. i dont even know what to say. he says that he regrets how things ended too, but understands kinda. pretty much feeling the same way as me ( Read more... )

so its valentines day and every person thats single is sad. so there i am, fitting into that mold. i was thinking i would go out tonight, make some friends. i may, i may not. for now all i can think about is that i miss jesse. i miss him a lot. he has dane cook on his myspace. i dont think thats been there long, and i dont think he knew that i ( Read more... )

so dennys is ok. i like it but seems no matter where i go, joy fucking olka is right there. her name is gale at this dennys. here is my list of complaints - she steals tables, she makes up rules to fit her wishes, she coincidentally has 3 types of cancer all at the same time and a cold/flu to boot, she talks like she's the only one who ever does ( Read more... )

so i miss jesse a lot. its been like 3 weeks or so since we broke up and over a month since ive seen him face to face. everywhere i go and everything i see, there is something that reminds me of him. debi was telling me about the neighbors dog jazzy, but she kept saying jesse accidentally. i tried to watch xxx today with vin diesel you know (not ( Read more... )

so its new years eve, and fireworks have started, and im sitting inside miserable. i believe stacy when she says stuff about his new gf, being a vet tech or something. i didnt know this till into the relationship, but he and i started dating like 3 weeks after him and his ex broke up. that seems like his limit. what an insult. i didnt know it when ( Read more... )

i miss jesse a lot. i know he cheated on me, and for that i should hate him, but i dont, i am not capable of those emotions, especially not toward him. his family was talking and they said that he had a gf in galveston. i freaked out immediately, and cried and was hurt. thinking that im not special enough to be faithful to, and not special enough ( Read more... )