so things with jesse and i are over for now. i love him so much, and thats what makes it hard. he wouldnt let me hate him, he wouldnt say what i needed him to say so i could hate him, so im stuck still loving him, and that makes me kinda mad. he forced me to dump him. i got the line 'you deserve better', but isnt that my choice. i dont think he's a ( Read more... )

so i wrote this whole elaborate thing earlier. it took  me like an hour to write it, but what it boils down to in bulleted points is the following ( Read more... )

so today was nice as far as not doing anything but doing cookies. decorating cookies was fun, it was nice. all day though i kept thinking that i will be sad to leave my friends, leave alex. i love jesse, i do, and im excited about waking up next to him every morning and im excited about the opportunities that lay in front of me, and im excited ( Read more... )

he isnt even gone yet and im crying while making my chex mix, im just walking down the hall crying. im miserable just thinking of not being around him. he told me it isnt permanent, and i know that, but the thought makes me sick. im horribly upset about the thought. i miss him already. i suck, i know. im such a baby. speaking of baby....im taking ( Read more... )

im scared. its true. moving scares me, how much i like him scares me. what is the right thing? what is the right thing for me? there is a lot in my head, but i dont know how to get it out. i am suffering from a self esteem slump. i dont feel pretty even though he tells me all the time. i realize how unpretty i really feel sometimes. i feel pretty ( Read more... )

So I have a bf now. He's pretty awesome. His name is Jesse. So what about him? hmmmm. 29, a diver at animal kingdom, originally from texas, tall red head. he's on my myspace so you can see him there if you want. he thinks im amazing, and that is the point really isnt it? we just click so well together. ive met all of his friends and they seem very ( Read more... )

sad days here. hubert, that sucks, but johnny. he says now that he loves her. why do i let him keep doing this? damn. i suck

so i guess things are super over w/ ryan. he called me in NY and told me he missed me and needed me and i made him happy and that he was all mine. i was so happy. he then ignores me and tonight when i told him that i missed hanging out with him he says 'you shouldnt cause im leaving'. translation - fuck you and deal with it. god damn boys. fuck ( Read more... )

so it has been a while since ive posted, but thats ok.

im not going to school this year, but thats ok. i have generally come to grips with it, even thought the brunt of it hasnt hit me yet.

I had an interview at this apt complex today to see if i could work there. we'll see what happens on friday. i hope i get it, i really really do. i want him to ( Read more... )

my finger nail finally fell off. yep. thats right. its gross and nasty and looks weird. im going to show john, hopefully he'll take me seriously now. its super nasty. like whoa, nasty. ill be sporting this nasty thing in ny on sat too. yuck