so this is a semi drunk post.  i need to take a vacation. im frustrated with everything, mostly myself. i am tired of life, and the hassles in it. why is it so much work to just be fucking happy? tonight i just wanted someone to make out with. impossible. that sucks. why is it impossible to find a quality make out partner? i either want to be alone ( Read more... )

ive always liked this song, but now its applicable. this is exactly how i feel.

Pink
Misery
Shadows are fallin' all over town ( Read more... )

so ive cried for hours. it was cleansing. i think igor told me that he had a crush on me tonight. figures. great. i asked why we didnt hang out, he said because i had a bf, i said so, and he said because stuff might happen if we did. i dont know what that means. we all know that i obviously dont speak man. i need some time? what? just speak chinese ( Read more... )

so johnny is sick. he is dying. i want to be there to help him and just show him i care. he pushes me away. i dont want him to. last night he says he needs time, he needs to deal with this on his own. what does that mean? does he want to be with me still? i think it means he's dumping me. igor says dont jump to conclusions, but thats just false ( Read more... )

so he wont answer my phone calls. he's pushing me away. all i want to do is be there for him and hes pushing me away. i dont like this. i dont like it at all. 'honey, im dying. oh, and btw, i dont plan on talking to you for another week so have fun freaking out about it till then. this is the test to see how psycho you can get and how much you ( Read more... )

so im blue and so it my text tonight. ive obviously been able to think of nothing besides johnny dying since he told me. ive only cried for like and hour and a half since he told me at like 530, so thats good, i guess. i took a bubble bath. it started out hot, and seemed like it was vibrant and welcoming. it then got cold, the bubbles melted, its ( Read more... )

so im not ok. im very much not ok. how can i say it? i dont know ( Read more... )

so its been a little while that ive been thinking about this, and i think i have collected my thoughts enough to vent. i hope marissa still reads this just for kicks ( Read more... )

so i didnt really get to talk to johnny this week at all. its a bad sign i think, but im just going to keep with the trend and not do the characteristic laura thing and freak out. im going to understand that he is busy. i talked to him for a bit on tuesday and on thursday so its all good ( Read more... )

so this week was interesting. johnny and i really hit it off. he is amazing. i know he hates when i say that, but thats what i think. he is good to me. the whole time he never stopped saying stuff like i was such a good gf, i was amazing, i was so god damn pretty, how awesome i am. i didnt do anything that special. i made him some sandwiches, i got ( Read more... )