Last night was rough.
Paranoia hit me, quite out of the blue, when I turned off my lights. The darkness was overwhelming, and suddenly the usually comfortable atmosphere had me afraid to move. I was scared. Like a little girl, all over again, I thought the monsters in my closet might get me. So I put on Up, which calmed my nerves, and I told myself ( Read more... )

Did you know that the diamonds we Americans buy to wear on our fingers could have cost someone in Africa their hand?
Could have cost someone their life.
The rebells in Africa enslave and brainwash children, give them guns, and turn them into killing machines.
For a fucking rock.
Companies here will buy diamonds that get smuggled from Africa by money ( Read more... )

 God dammit, I wish it was Valentine's Day now! Josh and I are going to have a low-key day, due to our both being absolutely poor, and to his hatred of the holiday. But I've found the most amazing thing I could ever ever bake him ever and I want to bake it for him for Valentine's Day and it's so fucking goddamned far away. 
Dammit! 

I wake up some mornings, like this morning, feeling absolutely hopeless. I'm sure it has something to do with my previous post/ mentality of last night, but this morning feeling isn't a stranger to me.  All I want to do is curl up into his arms, but greater is the hatred of anything that involves movement. I want to lay here in bed all day, and do ( Read more... )

 How was everyone's New Years? (A little late, right?) Josh and I were the only sober ones at the party we went to; tons of fun all around, and lots and lots of hugs. I'm sick of this year already, though. But, it's more the time period than the actual date. It's probably just the time period intermingled with the America location, as well. It's ( Read more... )

I discovered something today. I had absolutely no idea how shitty the year 2009 was until it was no longer that year. When the ball dropped, I cried. So much relief with all of that being gone. All of that being over with. The hardest parts of my relationship, the traumatic ex, the other women. All of it, completely gone. Over with. Left behind. 
( Read more... )

I feel like this was our first Christmas. Really, honestly. And it was wonderful. Because last Christmas he was tongue-tied, and couldn't figure out which name to blurt out. And this year, it was only me. No computer girls, no real girls, no other girls. Just me. Just me and him and Christmas and a little iron tree and presents and every time he ( Read more... )

 Today is just going to be one of those days. The boyfriend is away shopping for birthday presents and playing in tournaments, while I lay in bed watching Up for the second time since I got it as an early gift <3. Drifting in and out of consciousness, wishing my house had something to eat. Just waiting until I have to get out of bed and go to work ( Read more... )

Good morning Livejournal! And Merry Christmas ( Read more... )

 Mother made me a lunch for my eight hour shift tomorrow. Came home and found the note, and cried. I just wanna go back to fourth grade. No boys and no crushes. Just mom and homemade lunches and a tight-knit group of friends.
I'm tired of boys. I'm sick of them.