Its not worth it to freak out like I do inside my head so Im going to try not to do It anymore. i really dig josh so much. hes really good to me and it feels weird cuz i keep expecting him to hurt me really bad but i dont think he will and it scares me. im used to any kindness towards me being based on bullshit so im holding my breath half hoping ( Read more... )

back at school... really excited... i dig josh like this [ ] much times infinity plus 4... he'll be good for me... i need it

im so fucking angry i just got my laptop out of my back pack and what came with it but 2/3 of my franz ferdinand cd GAHHHH i love that fucking cd and now its broken in 2 and im so angry i want to freak out but im sitting in the lobbyish area of the hotel and im waiting for aspen and i cant freak out god im pissed, i dont even have it on my computer ( Read more... )

As I sit here on the aeroplane wedged between my father and an unknown woman I listen to Hurt and remember the way things were. Seeing Gabe made it apparent how much everything has changed since he left. Not just him but since all of them left. Without him or Brian or Andrew or Jeff or Cecily there’s no one to be the underground defiant. There’s no ( Read more... )

so ive been thinking about it and heres the deal and i dont know what to do with it: i can go to normal boarding school next year (granted i get in) if i repeat my junior year, or i can stay at oakley and graduate in june. so the big question is: IS NORMAL SCHOOL WITH NO BOUNDARIES AND NO URINARY ANALYSIS AND ROOMS WITH CLOSED DOORS AND INTERNET ( Read more... )

im watching law and order and this 12 year old boy is being molested by his principal. weird. how would you like to hear the phrase "your wife has been molesting that boy" hahaha scary. i get to see gabe tomorrow and im so excited and i have a feeling im going to start bawling when i see him and i dont want that to happen. "are you telling me shes ( Read more... )

hmmm so i saw 2 boarding schools yesterday and only one looks hopeful. i dunno i have to go out to breakfast and then to see brown, but gabe im coming tomorrow and ill call you later today to figure shiznat out

so heres the deal... ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR NORMAL BOARDING SCHOOL... and so tomorrow im looking at not one but TWO and the day after im looking at another and my ed consultant thinks that theres a good chance ill get in and that makes me so happy. god i need to pee. im talking to arango and ive never been so happy. i miss him so much it hurts ( Read more... )

yeeeah so im all over new england with my dad looking at colleges and what not. its fun. lots of good food. josh called me yesterday and today and it made me really happy. i think he's what i need to get over brian but i dont know if i want to get over brian or if i want to hold on to whatever shred of false hope i have that one day we'll be ( Read more... )

i can barely talk and i think i might have to play in the game today. i think things might be getting crazy with josh but i really dont know because im pretty unaware of things and maybe thats whats happening but maybe not and i dont know if i want to to be.... hm.... he is a good southern boy. we'll see, he wrote me a note that he is yet to give ( Read more... )