For once, I'm really, really scared. I know that many things have gone by that many would say could be much worse, but... this is probably the first time that I lose something that I know is irreplaceable and, by my own doing. Sure, I may have gotten away with other things in the past, but losing this, losing the most important person in my entire ( Read more... )

I've stopped writing stuff down on either of my blogs some time ago because I had felt bitter, and did not want to think about the things that I have been feeling, much less share it with everyone else. I've constantly had this feeling of no one being able to understand any of the things that I'm going through, and I didn't want to be bothered any ( Read more... )

I should write something. Soon.

I want to know the reasons for a lot of things. I want to know if some things really mattered. I do my best to live in the present, but sometimes, I really must know. Maybe someone out there will tell me, 'hey, its just human nature'. Maybe so, maybe not, but either way, its something that I really think about sometimes. Maybe I can find my place ( Read more... )

I really hate to admit it, but everytime you go, it throws everything off in my world. Before you had gone, and for 2 weeks every couple of months when you come home to visit, I'd get a sense of what could be, how things should be, and I'm more relaxed, I'm happier, I look forward to more things, and when the two weeks are over, I don't know how I' ( Read more... )

Frustrated, disappointed, defeated. Last night as I sat there, I asked myself why it always had to be this way, that it always had to be me taking the fall. My previous relationships have all more or less been the same. I always feel like I'm the one at the losing end if ever it never worked out. The result: I end up being the one putting all my ( Read more... )

If you would only stop for 5 minutes and think of what I'm saying, what I've said, what's been done for the past years, maybe it would make more sense. Maybe you'd know what to say, maybe you'd know what to do. From the way you talk to me, it seems to me that you haven't given any of my words any thought. It seems you've forgotten everything from ( Read more... )

Useless cause well, there's really nothing in this post. I would want for a lot of things to be in it, but I'm not sure if I really want to write about it or even think about it. Maybe its the fatigue? It's not even stress, I'm not stressing, I'm just exhausted from the work that had to be done the past 2 weeks. Maybe its making me emotional again ( Read more... )

John Mayer - Covered in Rain

"It's dark, I know, but it's the brightest thing I've got.. now I'm covered in rain..."

After months of not posting anything substantial on this journal, well, here's one. Anyway, I'm sure you've noticed that this is where my more personal ramblings appear, rather than on the WordPress blog ( Read more... )