I wonder what have i become. Is it as bad as it seems. I got hurt, severly, and i took measures needed to prevent it from happening again. I know i have been extremely controlling (though it was to protect myself) and he has agreed to so much. I know he agreed because he knew it was what i needed and i know he did it because he loves me. And i want ( Read more... )

Well...things are getting better. Losing interest in writing in the LJ.

He's gone.....i know it but i still cannot believe it. He was over here the night before. He was happy. He smiled and laughed. He said he would call soon. We had plans to hang out again. And it was all a lie. He wasn't happy, he wasnt going to see us again, i wonder if he knew right then that he would do it ( Read more... )

Been a while since i have updated. We have moved into our new home and the relationship has improved. The spark is returning bit by bit. Life is getting better except for work and my body falling apart./

Ok....well.....i have been working hard at Sheetz. One of my friends from Oak Hill Moved to Richmond so it has been good to see her again. Broke right now so i cannot wait for my pay check. And, oh yeah, we are moving apartments in June. There is this really nice place that is much cheaper and has everything included in the rent. I cannot wait. ( Read more... )

I think i got some people worried with my last entry so i will clarify without giving specifics....i will make it clear as mud....LOL ( Read more... )

Lets give you a round of applause. You really deserve it. Only you could destroy my trust once you finally earn it back. I feel like you love to lie to me. See what you can get away with and then lie if you get caught.

I wanna be able to move on from this. I dont want the pain to be there when it enters my mind again. I wish it never happened. It has left some scars on my soul, and her name reopens them. All i can think is how i dont want him touching me for a while after i remember and how he should have tought about his actions and ideas a bit more before ( Read more... )

....a good man? Is it the size of his pay check? Or his looks? I know. It is his heart and how he cares about you. It is experiencing your nightmare and instead of flipping out too, or even blaming you, he holds you while you are crying. Calms you down so you can breath. Picks you up off the floor and hugs you tight. Instead of leaving you like ( Read more... )

Found my journal that i used when Adam first left for boot camp. I read it and felt the emotions that i did when i was writing about my revelations.....and i even found the poem i wrote when his graduation was not too far away. Funny thing is that most of it is as true today as the day i wrote it

You tried to protect me from what you could ( Read more... )