I'm back after forever, to just write and record, and acknowledge my growth in my healing and learning to love and nurture my own body ( Read more... )

 Ugh Im getting so nervous today. I skipped my first class this morning in hopes of relaxation. I just dont want to psych myself out but I dont want to fail either. Fuck. I need to eat more, but I realllyyy dont want to. Fuck. I need to go join the gym. Gahhh Im so fat still. I dont want to get fat I feel like puking. I think Im going to go for a ( Read more... )

Okay finally. I need to start posting up on my own journal more often so I can just rant on forever ( Read more... )

 I was doing well for awhile until I couldnt stop snacking on fruit and nut bars. I decided to move my food to upstairsand now I snack on apples. Im going to do the protein shake diet after I clean myself up. I look gross i feel gross i eat gross. So now Ive decided to lookclean feel clean and eat clean. Ive really been craving some sushi...but i ( Read more... )

Im sick of the food in my house and of the same kind of food everyday. Its really hot right now and all there is, is soup and vegetables. I made a pb and j wrap. Got my mom to get me vermachelli. Im full but not satisfied. I just want some ice cold water, and lemonade, and fruit. I can't wait to move out. Im going to go vegan w/ the exception on ( Read more... )

Ive dropped 4lbs and I had 2 bowls of beans today and im bloated. I love that there is nothing in the house that I can binge on.

Im down 2lbs in 2 days and I havent even dropped food yet. Today Im going to though. Im wishing the weather was better so I could jog to the coffee shop. I hate jogging inside when I can go outside. I almost have a busy schedule. Im starting to make myself more busy and I like it. Today the movies, tomorrow the dentist then a trip to the city then ( Read more... )

 Im home fat and lazy as ever. The resort had a 24/7 snack bar, a breakfast, lunch, and dinner buffet, and a hamburger stand. It was discusting. Everyone was so gorgeous and thin and I looked awful and felt awful in comparison. I did dance every night and burned tons of calories my whole body was sore everymorning. Im starting toay getting back to ( Read more... )

Well Im about to go on my trip. I've been eating and Im fat but w/e Im going to have fun. Im going to my boyfriends for dinner tonight then Im going to start another cleanse. Im going to come back thin and then i will be 115 by the end of the month and 110 by my birthday. Stay strong girls. Don't let ana control you Dont let ana get you down. Life ( Read more... )

Im so full of thoughts right now. I feel like I need to DO something important. There really isn't much I can do at the moment, but maybe thats what is stopping me from doing anything. Nothing seems to be as important as ana. In my mind always, but Im fighting and giving in and giving up all the time. I want to be 12 years old again maybe younger ( Read more... )