holidays just get weirder and weirder when you get older.
or maybe just more dull.

Christmas was quiet. somewhat sad.
mostly just disconnected.

instead of my sister and i trudging downstairs in our pjs as usual to give and receive gifts we awoke early and went to my grandparents house.
my aunt and two cousins were there, one with her 1 year old baby who ( Read more... )

why can't love be stretched and divided? multiplied? enormous and spreading like it's melting not only from something, but into something?
thick and substantial.
more like molasses, less like butter.

i am hypocrite, considering the only thing my greedy heart wants on the menu is love all to myself.

this winter break is supposed to be a time of mental and physical rejuvenation but all i feel so far is saturated in misery.
it seems like stress and sadness are both stubborn things, at least to me.

All i want to do is escape these and wrap myself up in snow and christmas lights and the smell of pine and forget about everything terrible.

winter at home hasn't been nearly as dreary as thanksgiving three weeks ago. for the most part, i've been staying busy.
decorated my room with twinkle lights and hung ornaments and gold ribbon above my bed. decorated my mini christmas tree. decorated the real, bigger christmas tree. put up two little stockings for stella and clementine.
did some ( Read more... )

ladies and gentlemen, this hell week has officially and quite literally, frozen over.
i am done with finals. this hellish semester has come to a finish. i don't even care about my grades at this point. i studied for a final on tuesday for 5 days straight, 10 hours a day.
then i cried when it was over.

my final today was okay.
yesterday andrus gave ( Read more... )

this whole semester has felt like a dream ( Read more... )

while this has been one of the most bizarre and hellish weeks ever, there are some very good highlights ( Read more... )

things still fall apart, things not like string and buttons and shredded paper but more like human hearts and broken cell phones on pavement and fists and eyelashes on eyelids and and sinking souls forgotten in corners of cardboard boxes and unwashed bedsheets.

Coming home always feels like one sleepless dream where you awake from a slumber feeling more groggy and sleepy than you did before falling asleep ( Read more... )

There is a wire coming out of my ribcage. It bends at odd angles and sticks out through my lungs and is bleeding and bending every time I breathe. I feel like I am losing something and loving something at the same time.
This is a redox reaction. A simple case of gaining and losing.