I made it through, and out the other side. 
My last day in the hospital , all I could was stand by the window, and breathe it in. I did it. I was going to leave the hospital and see the world in a whole different way. 
I pray to God that this feeling lasts. I can't slip again. It was too close this time. 
I have the right balance of meds going now, so ( Read more... )

first day of classes was yesterday. there was much confusion about whether or not there actually would be classes or not, seeing as how they delayed them the night before, and then in the morning decided to operate on normal hours. there was also a rumor circulating around campus as to whether or not they changed their minds AGAIN after we all got ( Read more... )

She's new. Well, new to me. She's been in the office plenty of times, and i've certainly seen rx's from her before. But now she's leading me back into one of the back offices. 
She's not my doctor. 
I want my doctor. Not her. 
But then i get a grip. I think, it's okay. She'll know what's up. That's why they have charts. It's all right there in front ( Read more... )

Welp... Financial Aid went through. I guess I'm going to Florida ( Read more... )

It could be that everyone is right. Maybe. I 'm not counting it out. It could be that I'm too close to the forest to see the trees. This could be the worse mistake i've ever made. I may live to regret this. 
Or not. 
I know why I cling to certain people ( or the idea of certain people, places, sounds, sights,things). They are a part of the element of ( Read more... )

yo! where in florida are you? There is a chance I might be there soon.  

so ( Read more... )

it's good to know that indecision will find me no matter what I do. I'm starting to doubt if anything is seriously going to be enough ever in my life. If I won't just be looking for the next thing and the next. 
I should stay in school. I should just keep going for the next ten years, or switch back to the nursing program and have done with it . 
It' ( Read more... )

and maybe repent. 
fuck. so close and so stupidly self sabtoged.

I awake from late night shakes 
unhook my body and clean the blood
trace the smell up to your bedroom 
creep in slowly and stand over you 
i won't think ; I'll just operate 
underneath the sheets 
open your eyes
I'll whisper in your ear 
next year you'll be so last year.

- faster than fashion

Obsess. and catch yourself. take a breath. You love too hard. ( Read more... )