There's an 80s or early 90s song where the lady sings, "you gotta be..." and each line changes the adjectives. I don't think it's a greatest hit, but it comes to mind sometimes. And, well, I gotta be me. Part of being me is admitting to myself and my boyfriend that I need to MOVE. Nothing substantial has changed, but my attitude has mellowed about ( Read more... )

Maybe not entirely, but that's how I feel some days. Though to be fair I felt that way for about 18 months off and on. Once again I find myself in a crying jag and resolving to break up with the boyfriend. I'm not sure why I'm such an unhappy person these days. Is it my job and professional decisions (which I have adopted a "0 fucks given" attitude ( Read more... )

Ugh. I can't sleep anymore. I suspected this would happen because I woke myself up shortly after drifting off. I'm afraid to go to sleep. So my mind panics, wakes me up for a little bit, and then I drift off. But, around 2am - 3am my mind will experience racing thoughts. They usually keep me up for about an hour and half. Tonight's are particularly ( Read more... )

Hi. It's been two years now? My, how shameful. Or maybe I never posted out of shame? Hard to say.

It's fun, in a cringe-inducing way, to reread my old posts. I feel like the person I was then is worlds away from who I am now. Even if I can distinctly remember what events prompted my thoughts. Weird how that happens!

Recently I've had a lot of dreams of things that have happened and I am attempting to change them. That or forced to watch a burlesque of the events where everythign is conveyed in calculus terms*. To the best of my knowledge there is no conscious train of thought taking me to this destination. I'm nervous about the decisions I'm making now. It ( Read more... )

Oh, I am smitten with Broadway musicals. Oh yes, Joune your terrible ways have rubbed off on me. And I love it. I discovered that what I need are funny and upbeat musicals. Shrek, Thoroughly Modern Millie and Chicago are currently my favorites. Incidentally I'm not super fond of Julie Andrews beyond certain roles. She's hilarious when she tries to ( Read more... )

Truth be told I think when I have to build up excitement it's not a good sign. Sharing a day in the sewers would peak my enthusiasm. Ah well.

Ahah, I joined legions of the mocked yesterday. It wasn't a move of desparation or loneliness just a "Why not?" and shrug. Yes, yes, Claire has joined an online dating site. The downside is since I'm not paying it's just a facebook you can't do anythign with ( Read more... )

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by my life. Most days I experience a pleasant sensation in my stomach and heart when I review things. I am a single, independent woman living in a good neighborhood, in a nice house. I work two to three jobs and am happy with each one. My household has been upgraded with the addition of Jack, a rambunctious kitten who ( Read more... )

I'm not dead or apathetic about updating. I'm just not sure what to write about anymore. My mind is still a flurry of introspection. I see things that make me pause and think. But I'm not sure what to write about anymore ( Read more... )