i got a new job. im getting a new apartment. im getting a dog. things are getting better...finally. still doesn't mean i don't miss 1 year ago. get over yourself, amanda. you're not worth the trouble to put effort into i guess. worse things have happened to better people but i guess people don't know how to handle situations anymore. let's just go

life can just be too damn complicated at times.

wah wah wah. that's all this is good for, really. but it's a bum fest 2010

"tomorrow will be better. tomorrow might not be tomorrow, but it will come." my grampy used to say that to me when i was sad and now i finally understand.

brain,
stop fucking dreaming about him everynight. you're driving me crazy.

projectile vomit all over the place.

i'm forced to start a new chapter. it's bitter sweet. so many emotions are flowing through my veins up to my heart and it's killing me slowly. I need to get through these next four months. I need to focus on school and graduating. Nothing else can really be that important right now. I know I'll think about him everyday and miss him everyday but it' ( Read more... )

things are weird. i know what i want. and i know what i don't. i know what i can get and it's not what i want ( Read more... )

ugh...the summer makes me think of quarries, minigolf, outside adventures, kisses, getting lifted up in cute summer dresses, ninja turtles icecream...

i don't enjoy these things anymore without sebastian. i love him so much and it hurts my insides...i don't know what to do anymore. i just feel dead.

it's been a month and i still feel empty and like death. i'm trying. i'm doing a bunch of stuff to try and make me feel better but it doesn't really help. i miss it, everything about it and it makes me bummed i can't do anything more to change it. i know it's what i want but i can't do anything anymore...nothing i do will change what happens.