I feel like i'm taking a step backwards. Everything that has happened this year has made me more happy, more sure of myself, because for the first time i didn't have to find something to convince myself that i was a complete person or something. For the first time, i really learned to depend only on myself. And recently i've been so happy with crew ( Read more... )

Current ( Read more... )

and i'm so sick ( Read more... )

Dad showed me a picture of his girlfriend and her son tonight. I wanted to cry. It's always been a nightmare that he would be crazy over some other woman that wasn't Mom, and now he is. I don't dislike her, and i don't wish that he wasn't with her. It's just an adjustment, since i've been living my whole life with two parents that were loyal to ( Read more... )

Crew today was a disaster. Not only am i having problems with my techniques, but i really am trying and it's really difficult. We did five 500m pieces today, and the first one went pretty well, i got down to a 1:58 and my average was 2:03, but by the second one i was crying and had the feeling that my mind was floating and sinking at the same time ( Read more... )

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I don't have time to write about how i'm feeling i guess. i need to make a birthday cake for Dad so something good happens on his birthday and i need to do all my hours of homework ( Read more... )

i'm listening to an old song, by the Supremes, and i miss some days so badly. We'd be in California visiting the Ach's, and Amanda and i, with our little sisters who were little and cute, and our mom's, would all stand on the brick stage in their living room and play oldies and all dance and sing. It's all over. All of those times of singing and ( Read more... )

i dont know what we're fighting for
you want a new place and to get the hell out of here
but you begin to skip stones and you know you could never leave

i went to therapy today ( Read more... )