I'm not even sure if talking about this is going to help me feel any better but I'll think I'll try anyways. As most of you don't know, I fell in love with a magnificent girl this summer. Despite the way I act, I am quite girl shy around my friends/family which is why I rarely bring a date back to meet them and which is probably why you never ( Read more... )

I was looking through all the facebook pictures of myself today. It was really strange because the whole time i had this very solemn feeling as if I was sad. You know the type of sad feeling you get when you reflect back on good times and know that you miss those times. But it wasn't that. It wasn't even a sad feeling at all, it was the most ( Read more... )

For the longest time that I can remember, my largest concern (usually subconscious)was to find someone(s) that would always be there, something permanent enough to add security to my life. Whether that person was a VERY GOOD FRIEND or girl friend, it never mattered much. However, in all the same, I can not tell you why this was so important to me ( Read more... )

FUCK.... IT NEVER STOPS. Yes its true, I'm not aloud to be happy!

A friend asked me not to long ago what my favorite most random crazy experience was. I answered with this story about one night this summer when I spent an entire night hanging out in random coffee houses throughout Grand Rapids with friends I had just met and have yet to see since. But you know what, that answer would be a lie if I still used it ( Read more... )

So i finally opened up and alowed myself to fall for this girl. Nono, I know what alot of you are saying: "You like so many girls!" but no thats not true. Yes I find them interesting and am interested in dating them but never once do I believe I have a shot; thus never once did I believe that it might have gone somewhere. But with this last girl ( Read more... )

I can't say enough to explain how much I hate myself. I hate the way I am. I hate the way I'm always thinking about those around me. How I plan every little detail around each person in my life in hopes of pleasing them and in hopes of becoming better friends with them. I hate the fact that no matter what I always feel unloved and am always ( Read more... )

This stupid nonsense never ends in my life. I'm going insane here not being able to control my fricking feelings. I wish I had more control over my self but I don't. Its hard to explain to you exactly what I mean, because I SEE THINGS SO MUCH DIFFERENTLY then everyone else. I react differently to situations. Honest to god I can't tell you why ( Read more... )

For so long lately I've been tring to fool myself into believing that I was finally better, that most of my problems were behind me and that as long as I kept my head / hopes held high I could survive anything. However, lately I'm just seeing more and more how truely weak I am and how far I am from even being where I want to be. Its hard to ( Read more... )

Sorry that it has been so long since I've said anything here. It's just that I have changed alot over the past four years, mostly for the better and don't really NEED this anymore. It has been almost a year now since my last depression, and I'm hanging on strong. Yeah of course I get depressed from time to time, mostly the feeling of lonliness; ( Read more... )