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[witness_light]

that's it. i honestly do not fucking care anymore. this is my entire life, i hate myself, i hate everything about my existence, and i hope to god that i die in my sleep so i don't have to spend another second in my own presence.

i am a failure at everything and i refuse to try anymore. i have no reason to continue living.

Comments

[necroragdoll]

please. listen to what i say when i comment. i don't lie, i refuse to. you're not a failure at everything, you succeeded in making andy and my days at renfaire extremely bright and happy. i wish i lived closer to you so that i could show you how much i really care, but unfortionately miles seperate us. i'm trying to get to wisconsin at some point, but i don't know when it'll happen. please hold on sweetheart. i do love you.

[witness_light]

thank you so much. i really really appreciate the comments you leave. i'm sorry i've been so down lately... but i do want you to know that it means a lot to me every time you send me lj love letters.

*squeeeeeze*

by the way, i hope to move to your area of the world after i graduate in may, so hopefully we'll be able to spend some time together then. yay!

i love you too.

[shoepixie]

You didn't get my voicemail? Didn't I call you, just today?

"How are you darling? Love you, miss you" silly little words and phrases, but I meant them. I look at the silver bracelet around my wrist, and I smile. Every. Single. Time. You've made my life brighter and happier, definitly more confusing since the last time I saw you...to think there are so many things one can learn in one night - especially things that had eluded me for..how long?

Please, darling. Look at the leaves. The seasons march on, and so must we. I can't and won't promise you that it will be easy, or always pleasant, but you must believe me when I tell you that it IS worth it. It is.

I promise.

[witness_light]

honey! the last night we spent together... oh so beautiful. i think of it often. and i loooooove my necklace, it brings me joy every day.

we must see each other again and speak revelations. i want to write stories for you, and you have to draw pictures of me.

i love you!

another midnight shitstorm

[slippystagger]

i feel some odd bond to your thoughts being the same as mine sometimes.

Re: another midnight shitstorm

[witness_light]

crazy, isn't it?

where do you live? someday i want to find you and just hold you for a long long time, like hours, and you can tell me beautiful stories about your life and poetry and loneliness and it will be an amazing day in my life.

[tspeeddemonx]

Please dont say that!
I know it doesnt mean much when I just type a few lines here,
if only I could show you what it MEANS...
Im saying, dont listen to yourself when you say you're a failure.
you might have told yourself lies before... why not now..?
You are so much of a great person, I dont care if you see it or not,
I say you are.
You have your place in this world, and it is valuable,
and I dont care if you see it or not, just I say it, okay?
I love you, Im saying it.
And everything I say I mean.

[witness_light]

i love you too. we are surely connected in some mystical, dreamlike way, and i hope that someday we'll meet in person and say all the things that we haven't been able to yet.

thank you for your comments. i always love hearing from you. always.

[tspeeddemonx]

I just recall, I had a dream about you the other day!
and I know from it that one day our lives will be connected in a more actual way, heh
in my dream you had written a poem and you came up to me with it, but you didnt show me it,
I just know there was one, you had some kind of scetch book with you.

Im glad you enjoy my comments, sometimes Im not sure if I can probably truly reach you...
and besides, I know you might be busy and all but I just wonder why the two of us never get to email each other, I mean, I did reply to yours but you never wrote back or maybe I didnt get it or you didnt get it.. either way,
go on living, Id hate to miss you

[happygophucky]

life will always be hard.
you will probably always feel like you are not as good as the others.
but it can change.
perhaps you should stop trying to change yourself and change the life you lead? perhaps you should first learn to accept you for you... and see where that path takes you.
stop hating yourself so much... stop looking for your value in others... and just find it in yourself.

hard to do. still learning how myself - a brown dog has been helping me out this past year and a half. but it is possible. it is possible to let go of your own hatred...

before you die.

[witness_light]

you're so right... "stop looking for your value in others"... but i've done it for so long i don't even know how to stop. or how to stop hating myself. but i know it needs to be done... *sigh*

thank you for the advice & kind words. you are, as always, an inspiration to me.