the last couple of weeks have been major around here. big macks dad seems to have killed himself afterall. the subway train made it happen really fast so he certainly didnt feel much i hope! poor poor big mack though. he is all kinds of strung out. he called from ny the other day and sounded like je was talking through a glass window- not really ( Read more... )

so here i am at a keyboard. it has been a great while..... looking back at that last post dredged up some interesting memories. wonderful though not long enough visit to the left coast with my babies.a restauraunt called grandma's that got us drunk....lol... since then my s went to florida to spend a couple of weeks with her best friend who's ( Read more... )

well! i survived the trip and am now typing at me from the big OR!! my s&b met me at the airport and we took the light rail then a taxi and here we are!my s had to work today so me and my b are going to run around a bit once he drags his ass out of bed...... i stayed up more than 24 hours yesterday and i still cannot sleep! especially when my cell ( Read more... )

i finally got me my bday present- gvn2fly!! and i am headed to the west coast for my bday with my s&b! i am very excited to be going somewhere new and seeing my baby again! i just might leave it all behind and stay there too! there are some signals going up at work that my particular location will be closed and i will be in limbo there so i just ( Read more... )

have read a few open letters lately and wanted to reply to them. problem being they werent actually to me so replying would be silly. but im thinking of writing one of my own. perhaps the right person will read the right words and communications will be opened where before they were nonexsistent. if only words could make everything understandable. ( Read more... )

well, big mac is making noises like he will be leaving soon. i went to get him some things for christmas last night and suddenly- im sad he is leaving!! like i always say- it is freaking amazing what you can become attatched to!!!! if he was moving in with his friend j or something it would be all good. but no- off to the big rotten apple to live ( Read more... )

well i have managed to drag my ass back to the library. i dont know why it seems so far away now ( Read more... )

not much tiome in here today- already checked the email..... just thought i might share this heavy head.... way too much sadness everywhere. i dont know why but have broken out in tears several times today- again, much worse lives all around me. i think i am definetely going to go back on the meds for a bit. i could use some detactchment. and fuck ( Read more... )

recieved long awaited photos from my s&b. one of them is a pic or her hands. she is showing off the small collection of rings she has acquired but the first thing in my eyes is- oh my god- she has my hands exactly with of course the obvious differences (nails) but otherwise exactly the same as mine. i dont know why but this brought me to tears. i ( Read more... )

so finally some of the fog is lifting! b and i are now the owners of our own tin can- soon to be christened "starkist"! i have a space with doors i can close when i want to and run around naked and do what ever the hell i want and keep the hoodlums out! yay!!!!!!!!!! i do feel better about that. though at first i was biting b's head off every time ( Read more... )