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Random guilt trip of the day
One thing I'm noticing is that now that my mother is dead, I'm starting to want to explore things that I had put on hold because the weight of her faith in me made it hard to try anything because I was afraid to disappoint her ( Read more... ) -
It really doesn't feel...
... like it has only been a month. It feels much longer than that, or as if my mother never really existed at all, or maybe like being told stories about ancestors I never really met or knew. The things about that relationship that used to tear me up don't really seem relevant anymore. It's all just sort of ... distantly sad, in the way that ( Read more... ) -
glinterings of fame
I keep wanting to compare myself with already-famous people close to my own age. And then I think -- hell, I am living a completely different life than those people. If I were them, I would be doing that too ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Morning inspirations are the best, by which I mean the least lucid. In exhaustion, veritas. Or something ( Read more... ) -
Mom's memorial service was today.
It was nice. Babybro gave the eulogy, which I was glad of - he did a good job, and I... just didn't have anything to say. Which was sort of par for the course, this time around. Something about the entire situation leaves me without the right words. I didn't have them for Mom, I didn't have them for me, and I didn't have them for other people ( Read more... ) -
Whoo! Stuff Accomplished!
Or rather, UnStuff Accomplished! We have handed off a whole lot of newborn stuff to some friends who are expecting their own first child. Which means it is no longer in the house! Whooo! Also, dinner and fantastic conversation. And lots of chatter about babies, because, okay, how many people do I know to whom it's safe to geek parenting? Not ( Read more... ) -
More or less Bravely done...
I just want to note that there is something incredibly bemusing about watching Brave one week after your own mother's death (especially as an eldest daughter ( Read more... ) -
Lovely.
Today was one of the easiest days I've had at work for a long time. And I felt like I had time, tonight, after work, for the first time in a long time, to take a relaxed evening, and eat dinner that wasn't cold cereal out of the box, and do things that I enjoy, without worrying that it had to cut into my sleep later ( Read more... ) -
Odd to think...
... I knew that tragedy can make people keep their distance. I knew that most people, especially most young people, don't have any idea how to engage with someone going through things they've never experienced. I knew that it's hard for some people to be around other people who are having a hard time, even if they keep a good face on it ( Read more... ) -
I took today off...
... I'd just been feeling under the weather and a small handful of chronic flare-ups decided to force me to honesty ( Read more... )