i got my period at like 3 am this morning.
i was dancing.
had a dream once that i was able to dig my uterus lining out whole.
jello 8]

summer vacaaation is better than i thought.
i get to be alone.
i realize now that i'm going back to how i was in middle school.
cept not as angry or greasy.
plus a million other things BUT
all in all i've decided i'm lame ( Read more... )

summary:

1. jack and i are working on my
a) drug abuse
b) negativity
c) errrrr 'body art'

2. i'm making him
a) get an STD/HIV test
b) decide if i'm worth it
c) cry :\

i apologizeee to my friends :\
for leaving so...abruptly.
i'm better now.
that's what we tell eachother.

secret:
i used to think mental hospitals were the easy way out of society.

i'm making a habit of sleeping the days away.
this is my coma.

i'm gonna copy dani, goddess of land and sea.

gonna make a scrapbook of my entire
pathetic
dark
doomed
sick
uneven
festering
broken
heartless
dead
gone
fat
ugly
anorexic
bitchin
poser
endless
torn
dissapointing
high
paralyzed
imprisoned
spoken
fateless
grounded
life.

an old friend of mine found me.
talking to her is weird. mixed.
i'll meet up with her, share old times.
she was the only person who held on to me when everyone was...stupid.
then she moved away...

i'm about to take my test for early college...thing.
i'm kinda itchin to get it done with.
if i dont get in i'm going to cry and throw things.
i dont like ( Read more... )

i'm having a moment where i'd really like to burn everthing i own and start over.
:\

i have a habit of avoiding why i am.
why i am what i am, whatever that is.
it just is.
and i dont fucking like it.

i make sense in my head.
i know why people are the way they are in there.
i cant explain it, it always sounds wrong.
not what i want to fucking say.

i want to ( Read more... )

I'm sober now for 3 whole months
it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart 
is the one thing that I won't touch again
[In my sick way] I want to thank you 
for holding my head up late at night
[blue october]

so jack had to reschedule his moving in till January.
SADCOREEEE.
8[ oh well...

WOW I HAVE..
friends.
[ ( Read more... )

I
WANT
MODELS.

to photograph.

Don't drink the milk, [it's spoiled]
[Don't breathe] the air, it's spoiled
And don't [step on] the grass, Sam, it's spoiled

In the red red acid rain
And in and out (of our remains) - spoiled
I'm once removed, I'm twice removed
I'm so removed from the pain
So I remain spoiled, spoiled
[Lunachicks]

Interesting change of plans.

Though I still hate people and ( Read more... )

i'm going to tattoo school, if any school at all.
fuck real college. school. money. life.
i'm too dumb for that shit.
i dont have enough snob to be a rich asshole anyway.

i'm a contradicting sonofabitch.

i need to leave this high school scene.

i'm done with me. i want to move out of me.
i've said this so many times but i'm CUTTING MYSELF OFF.
off from YOU ( Read more... )