*burp* "I am SO sorry. I haven't done that in the longest time." *pause* "Let's see if I can do it again." -Britt

"Why pay for drugs when your insurance company will help?" -Kelly, after one martini.

~*~

"Iowa's just like Mexico except for colder and it has more corn." -Kelly, after the second martini.

~*~

"One martini, Mwahaha. Two martini, mwahaha. Three martini, mwahaha." -Kelly, just now, when she should have sobered up a bit.

"If I could spend the next hour picking my nose, I would. But I would probably start to bleed." -Name withheld by request

Go here. Read this. This woman is the only one who would make ironing fun.http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=32286195&blogID=214797255&Mytoken=19A4D1CC-

"I need a manager with a headset on to come and do an associate checkout." -Caitlin
"My name is Brooke and I am a manager with a headset." -Brooke

~*~

"What time is it?" -Me
"It's about... *checks wrist* ...I have no idea." -Brooke, who forgot her watch today

Why We Think Before We Speak ( Read more... )

"You're so not hilarious." -Anna, my 4 year old daughter.

"Also, who was the criminal mastermind that looted all of the forks out of the breakroom? What devious pillar of villainy pilfered our precious forks? There are only spoons now, spoons! You can't fork something with a spoon, it just doesn't work." -Gravekeeper

"Well, maybe if you squint and take vicodin." -Britt, disputing my claim that you can see a face on the moon.

"I got grounded from my scooter." -Britt, age 15, who doesn't even know where her scooter is.