Why can't I fix my own life? I do so well helping other people fix theirs. Why am I the only person that I can't help? I am so close to giving up completely. I feel it inside. I am dieing. one small piece at a time. I am my own murderer. I can't blame anybody else, and I know that. But why can't I stop it? I can't I fix it? Everything I do just ( Read more... )

Wow! I have not been on here for a year. That is pathetic. Oh well. I need it again. Life is getting so hard. I am starting to think that I am destined to be by myself. Am I getting this for past wrongs? I try so hard to do what I think I am supposed to. I push so hard to help somebody that I love and all I seem to do is push people away. Yes they ( Read more... )

i love germany. there is only one way to make it better...to have justine here with me. i miss her so bad. i dream about her every night. i love her so much. i hate being away from her. leaving home this time was the hardest thing i have ever done. everytime i see her it gets harder and harder to say good bye. i never want to leave her again. i ( Read more... )

Wow. This sucks. I talk to all these people back home who are going about their lives. I am just like stuck right now. Why the hell did I have to be in the frickin desert? All I want to do is get my divorce done and move on and get an actual life. I haven't had "a life" since high school. And everybody know that that was not a life. Lol. Anyway, I ( Read more... )

Well, This blows. I jst went to the doctor today. I was running a fever of over 104, and I was sick and shit. They frickin laid me down and stuck an IV in me. Then they gave me quarters for two days. That is kind of nice, but I just wish I didn't feel like complete shit. The desert is the worst place in the world to get sick. And I thought it ( Read more... )

LIFE.
                                      LIFE IS A
                                   TEAR DROP.
                                FALLING FROM
                             A’HIGH.  FORMING
                            PERFECT CURVES
                      AS IT FLIES.  REFLECTING
                      ( Read more... )

Well, I can tell it is getting hot out. All I want to do is sleep. So I fall asleep as soon as I get back from work, then I wake up in the middle of the night and hope there is somebody online...usually not...then I go back to sleep. The one person that I wanted to talk to the most, I have only talked to her one time. That's ok though. It just ( Read more... )

I just had a mental punch in the gut last night. I had went ouot on the road for a little while (not very far) yesterday morning. Then when I got back, they told me that I might be going out on the road again today...but this time several hours away. I was thrilled. I love being out on the road. It is dangerous, but I still love it. I got off work ( Read more... )

Well, things are going a little better today. Lol. Yesterday was one of the worst days ever. Somebody stole my humvey. I don't know how or why, but they did. You can't imagine how pissed off I was. I looked around all morning for it (0600 to 1100). Finally I found it parked behind the DFAC (dining hall). I was so pissed off, but the funny thing was ( Read more... )

I am getting to the point where I don't know what to do anymore. I want so bad to go home, but on the other hand, I really want to stay in Germany. I keep thinking about why I want to go home. That one is easy...Jordon and Justine. But I know that I won't be able to see Jordon really much more often than I would from overseas anyway. I will most ( Read more... )