i had a dream, last night, that he didn't love me anymore. that he ignored me and left, me later finding out that he left me to be with someone else. and now i sit here confused, wondering if the part about him not loving me might be closer to truth than i'd like to admit ( Read more... )

a look into your eyes, a touch of your hand, the feel of your body and mine when we embrace makes it all go away, if even for a little while.

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i realized that no one really says 'i love you' to me anymore, or gives me hugs. save trenton. hm. not even my mom.

i need some human contact.

i love you, trenton.

i am so:

angry, sad, lonely, upset, moody, agitated, cynical, testy, bitchy, rude, mean, hopeless, depressed, etc.

every fucking day.
( i need.. something. but i don't know what )

i'm trying, trying, trying to write again. i'm looking at the world with eyes wide open. i'm studying myself and what i want, my dreams, and trying to get information from that. i'm thinking about plot structure and visiting the old author's chat room i used to chat in (and have, randomly, since i discovered it when i was twelve). lyra (linda joy ( Read more... )

by the end of the day, i just want to escape. i want to flee, to run, to slip away to somewhere else. sleep and books only provide so much in the way of avoidance. avoiding life ( Read more... )

trenton and i didn't end up going to see a guy thing yesterday, so we're going today. instead we watched television and talked and i remembered why i loved him in the first place. good times. i just don't understand why his mother freaks out when we're together, snuggling or whatnot on the couch. not like we're having sex (never have, either) - no ( Read more... )

sarah and i are seeing two weeks notice today, and then going to the mall and getting some dinner. for once, i'm actually smiling at the thought of hanging out with a friend. tomorrow trenton and i are going to the movies also (there's nothing else to do in auburn), but seeing a guy thing ( Read more... )

today was good, once i got home from the threlkeld-anxiety-etc incident. i left after first period, the period i have his class, with him looking at me in disgust (because of my walking out, and the fact that i had a note from the nurse) and saying in a stinging, unsympathetic way, "i hope you feel better." what's wrong with me? standing up to ( Read more... )

i had an anxiety attack today. damn threlkeld to hell for bringing it on. damn you.

adrienne: i'm not meeting you on saturday. yeah, what a bitch, i avoided you again. but i can't. & i shouldn't. the end.