-
Lurking there in the background
Those quiet little longings
The tiny what if moments
That
Persistent nagging of your heart
Ya know,
That
Relentless aching for something that just
No longer exists
Why is it so hard?
& every fucking day
Just there
Heavy on my
Mind
Ultimately,
Soul crushing
Making peace were there is none
Is hard
& really
I think it’s beyond me
Transcends logic
& well
Life
See ya in
Our ( Read more... ) -
777
Feeling like the luckiest
And so full of gratitude
Im snuggling the baby as he naps
Kevs making dinner & it smells delicious
Evelyn’s setting the table
My in laws just dropped her off
Because she had a crazy long day at dance
Im so thankful we can afford the $300
For her 4 dance costumes due next week
Im also extremely grateful ive just been
Freely splurging ( Read more... ) -
Thankful
Im
So thankful!
For my life!
For everything!
I just got back from
The windmill with Bri
We had delish food & 2 beverages
& hit my pen with a fresh cart multiple times
This morning kev made me coffee
& a delicious egg sandwich while i folded laundry
& then we took turns showering
& managed to get the kids out of the house
we headed to monroe
To go to wolfe park
( Read more... ) -
Sunday secrets
Came here for something else
Was reminded of post secret
And all the subsequent secrets
I hold
They feel so heavy sometimes
Or Like they shouldn’t be mine
Sometimes,
I think about outting myself
As if it’d be freeing
But who am i telling?
And why would i want their judgment?
-
Just tiny little rocks
In the whispers of the wind, I feel your trace,
Memories of you, etched in every little space.
A smile on my lips, a pang in my heart,
Missing you, my love, is a delicate art.
Random songs on Alexa play a familiar tune,
Bringing back our love, like a gentle monsoon.
In the moonlit nights, I see your gentle gaze,
Lost in thoughts of you, a nostalgic haze.
( Read more... ) -
Stefan
Angry i just spent a lot of time writing something only for it to freeze during publishing. The LJ mobile app is trash! But anyway. I hate May 1. It’ll always make me think of Stefan and how his absence is something i never imagined would bother me so much. But it does. I miss my friend. I remember I was getting drunk at SBC when we heard they ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Every now and again
I torture myself
With your memory
Ive cried almost every sleepless night
This week
Big heavy sobs
Ugly nose blowing
I tell myself its a healthy release
But there is nothing sane about
Any of this
I continue to lie to myself
In hopes of preserving my own dignity
But
It always has been
& always will be
Bigger than me
I comfort myself
Knowing that ( Read more... ) -
Making poor choices…
Up til all hours
Randomly choosing to listen
To a lumineers song
am radio
At 10 to 2
In the morning
& then continuing to enjoy them
My sister stefanie mentioned me always existing on little sleep the other day and kev seemed surprised, he’s like … really?
Uh my man.
You wouldn’t know,
cause you’re always sleeping.
Im tired but have to be full on exhaustion
To ( Read more... ) -
Mortality
Kev took off again, today.
He was up late watching the rangers.
I think they beat the penguins.
He said he has been thinking a lot about his mortality and wants to do more fulfilling things than just work.
Im very thankful and extremely appreciative that he does wake up so early & works overtime daily to support our little family. But he’s right. He ( Read more... ) -
Sobriety
Im so proud of kevin
I hate to jinx him
I worry about saying/thinking
or even acknowledging it
Here
To myself
Out loud
To anyone
But
When he’s clean
Things are
Perfect
There’s so much id like to say. About us. About my cousin leaving her husband. About my brothers harsh criticisms pertaining to ex husband. My brothers probable addictions. His insensitivity and ( Read more... )