Did I just lie to myself again? Do I really feel how I described 10 minutes ago? I feel nothing now. When I'm feeling up, I forget what it was to be down. When I'm down, up is an impossible distance away ( Read more... )

When I'm not feeling morbid, I daydream about living life. I get lost in all of the pleasant lies my mind makes up. I retreat into this state as often as possible, I don't think I would last too long in reality. Like a fucking fish out of water. My mind is so controlling (with malicious intent or protection??)... I feel like I have no say anymore. ( Read more... )

I keep wanting to scream. I keep wanting to throw things (how childish?!). I get so irritated at everything and everyone. So frustrated. And panicked about tomorrow. About the day after. About whatever comes next. Is this cycle going to go on for as long as I breathe?

"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what it is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, is would. You see?"

On another parallel,
my mind has turned it into a competition and now my body will follow.

More "nothingness". Like death. Numb, emotionless. At times there is emotion, but those times are becoming few and far between ( Read more... )

Nothing can make me feel worse right now ( Read more... )

I hate letting people in my world. I'm uncomfortable. I'm too exposed and open to fire. I'm sure there was no real intent to harm, but I feel I've been fired at... Again ( Read more... )

Round and round in the same goddamn circles. This vicious cycle of extreme ups and downs is taking its toll. The slight hope of returning to centre from time to time seems to keep me going. Although it's just that, a slight hope ( Read more... )

How typical of me to be fucking horrible at updating this. I occasionally write in journals and on scraps of paper and such, but I'm never really consistant with anything. I feel I am constantly repeating myself. Each day is just a little bit different, my feelings are never routine, but it all seems like it's the same. I'm always waiting. I'm ( Read more... )

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||| 53% Stability |||||||||| 40% Orderliness |||| 16% Accommodation |||||||||| 36% Interdependence |||||| 23% Intellectual |||||| 23% Mystical |||||| 30% Artistic |||||| 23% Religious || 10% Hedonism |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Materialism |||||||||||| 43% ( Read more... )