I hate knowing people.. I knew Shad would go crazy when he realized his plan was falling apart. Yesterday shad started texting me. Saying that he was lonley. I got tired of it specially since I was sleeping so i turned off my phone. When I woke up later yesterday (at 9am) I turned on my phone and got a text saying he was looking for my razorblades ( Read more... )

why am I a glutton for punishment?

I have to go see shad's sister.. she just had surgery.. I don't want to.. but I promised her.. and I know I just dont wanna because of the shad deal.. and she shouldn't pay for the hurt I feel.

there's a sadness in her smile ( Read more... )

yesterday I got drunk... it was cool.. I went to jakes cause after I went and got drunk I had a drinking date with his roommates. well I walked over there and it was barely 11 and jake is passed the fuck out.. and will not answer the door.. so i broke into his house. Today he mentioned that like it was a good thing. if he broke into my house to ( Read more... )

yesterday ray came over and did some dishes. He mentioned moving in but understood that I didn't really want to live with anyone for at least a while. then shad came home. Shadow was in the house and when he walked away from me I said "Man, I love that boy" to which shad responded snidley "Who, Shadow or Jake" WTF?? I was playing with my dog.. who ( Read more... )

it's funny how retrospect changes things. Nothing much has changed. But in one week of being treated like a human.. I realize the extent of what was going on before. I stopped sleeping at my house. I have no wish to see shad.. at all. but it's not because he hurt me.. it's because in one week, I've felt desired, ive felt needed, and most ( Read more... )

My bringing new dude to work was hot news.. there were things going on that havn't yet happened.. and I hadn't even thought about kissing the mother fucker when I was in the store.. anyhow I was talking to my friend.. he told me I needed to get on the same page with dude.. so I don't leave him confused and hurt.. I really didn't want to do it.. ( Read more... )

this sunday night i am not going to sleep at my house... i'm going to go on a date to see balls of fury.. and then afterword I'll probably go to new dudes house and steal his bed.. i've been wanting to not sleep at my house for some time... of course if he has one of his girls over then i might steal the couch.. or leave.. I know how awkward it can ( Read more... )

I'm confused. I don't understand the dating game.. hell I don't even know if what i'm in is the dating game. So I made a date to hang out with one of my more mellow of buddies. It took forever to kidnapp him but we finally did and I rented a movie and we ate. I didn't think it was a date.. but my friend put the moves on me.. and it didn't seem like ( Read more... )