ATTENTION: This post contains graphic descriptions of such topics including, but not limited to, the vagina, childbirth, foreskin, and feces. Also, within this post you may find soft, mushy, emotional bullshit heretofore unseen from the author. Reader discretion is advised and encouraged. Consider yourself warned.

( Enter if you daaaaaare! )

I had a real crisis last week.. Sooo, here we go! Okay, a few nights ago, we had Chinese food for dinner, right? Right. When I eat Chinese food, all the MSG makes me swell. When I swell, my ring doesn't fit. And when my ring doesn't fit, I have to move it to my pinky. While significant, try as I may, I could not make any of that sound ( Read more... )

In what is apparently becoming an annual event, Vaughn took another week-long vacation in the hospital. Sometimes, I think about fuckheads who don't take care of their kids and become very bitter at the prospect of those kids not having the health issues that my kid's had. I mean, I think I'm doing a good job. We feed him and wash him and all ( Read more... )

Once again, I've waited until the absolute last minute to post, so I have nothing to say but this.

HO! HO! HO!


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I don't know how you people do it. It's a constant struggle for me to start writing one of these. Over the course of several months, I'll even jot down a word or two of a topic I intend cover and create a poor man's outline. But when the time comes to write about it, it's happened so long ago that it just feels irrelevant. I don't feel like talking ( Read more... )

So, I had me my first Father's Day ever this past weekend. I may have had a couple in the late 70s, but hell if I remember. And if I did, it's a shame that man got any credit at all for being a father. What's that? Why, do I sound bitter? Anyways, aside from letting me spend quality time with the TV and Playstation all weekend and cooking me my ( Read more... )

ANYWAYS. So, we get home from the hospital. I shit out my guts for a couple of days. Then we finally - FINALLY - get a weekend to relax. The next week goes off without a hitch. Could it be?! Could we possibly have two weekends in a row to do nothing, as God intended us?! Alas, the phone rings early Saturday evening. (And I can only hear one ( Read more... )

Yo! So, it's been a few of months. What have I been up to? Well, I'm glad you asked ( Read more... )

8 - 8. Teams are mailing it in. This week's gonna be even worse with only 5 teams who have a reason to play hard. To put that into perspective, there are 5 teams who would rather lose this weekend to increase their chances of landing Reggie Bush. San Diego, N.Y. Giants, Arizona, Baltimore, Buffalo, Atlanta, Kansas City, Pittsburgh, New England, ( Read more... )

10 - 6 AGAIN. I've lost count on my season total. And I'm too lazy to look it up. Atlanta, Cincinnati, Carolina, New Orleans, Jacksonville, N.Y. Giants, Pittsburgh, San Diego, St. Louis, Miami, Philadelphia, Seattle, Denver, Chicago, Baltimore, and New England. AND DIDN'T I SAY THE COLTS WOULD LOSE?! DIDN'T I?! You think someone had a lot of ( Read more... )