I hope that all of my readers and LJ friends had an absolutely awesome christmas. :)  I got alot of stuff, alot of Hello Kitty stuff. And you know that makes me smile! lol.

I did call Josh for christmas, but I only got to leave a message. Too bad. I havent talked to him since last thursday, and you know what I noticed? Both nights that I have ( Read more... )

"If I could be like that, I would give anything, just live one day in those shoes"

I just want to know that he is mine. That's all. Josh and I are still writing back and forth, but I haven't heard from him today. I was pretty busy today, but everytime I would sign online, I would get all scared and weird, I was so anxious about getting an email ( Read more... )

Well... Josh and I are communicating. I dont know where it is going to go. I dont care. I just want to know how he honestly feels. I think I will find out soon.

I lost Josh, and talked to Freddy to fill the void. Today I ended that. It wasnt right. To talk to someone else, when your never really listening, because your mind is thinking "i wonder ( Read more... )

I'm feeling a little better today. I've been in one of those moods, where I dont want to socialize much. :\  I didnt call Freddy all day, and he thought I was mad or something. Just dont feel like talking, I dont feel like facing the truth. I cant keep going with him, when my heart beats for someone else.

I sent yesterdays entry to Josh via email ( Read more... )

K, so.. I am still as confused as ever. I think about Josh, I think about Freddy. I know who I want, and I cant have him. I know what I'm doing now, and I dont like it.

I ran to Freddy for comfort. I ran to him for something new to hold on to. I DID want to appologize, but I shouldn't have asked for more. I love Josh. I cant be over him yet. ( Read more... )

You know, I prayed to God last night. Since I am so confused and hurting lately, I prayed God would let HIS WILL BE DONE. If he didnt want me to try things with Freddy, show me ( Read more... )

I'm a drug addict, and I've had a relaps. Somehow, I got one small taste of that rush, and now I'm addicted all over again. My drug of choice? Josh.

Last night we talked. Over 4 hours. We talked about the past, about the present, and about the future. Not OUR future, because we both agree that there is no future, that only time can tell what will ( Read more... )

Not much has been going on, but Amy is demanding an update. lol.

Freddy and I are getting along great, and I am happy with him. :)  He is coming this weekend to spend time with me from Saturday night until Monday. We are supposed to be going up to the Orlando area, and who knows what we are going to be doing all weekend. I know we are going to the ( Read more... )

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Here it is, 3:18am, and I am feeling so down.. I dont know why. Its like.. im upset over two people. For two different reasons. I was laying in bed, and my mind started to wander.

*should i be stepping into this new relationship right now? i mean, i know i have to move on, and i know its not all about josh.. its those times when i want to talk to ( Read more... )