At the end of the day I'm just lonely. I don't expect anyone to fix it or anyone to care. I'm terrified that I will always be as lonely and empty as I am now. I don't try to get close to people to have relationships. Certainly not romantic ones. It would be nice to be romantic with someone but, I've tried so much and it always ends up hurting me ( Read more... )

A friend starting a new LJ of her own prompted me to give mine a look, maybe a bit of a return. I've lost the ability to properly extricate my thoughts and put them into a medium such as this. Perhaps it is time I regained the ability. My immediate thoughts; I looked through some of my old recent posts and I suffer from that verbal diarrhea thing. ( Read more... )

Didn't have a computer for the past two weeks or so. Man, that sucks. Now I've lost EVERYTHING. Every single bit of data because not only was my old motherboard fucked but my old harddrives burnt to a crisp as well. But fuggit. I'm drunk right now and I really don't give a fuck. Everything in my life is changing, right now everything sucks. I'm not ( Read more... )

I cut off all my hair. It's for the purpose of growing it back to be healthier looking, less frizzy, yada yada. Oh my god I look like a completely different person. I look like I'm 17. No sir, I don't like it. I can't wait for it to get a little length back. :|

I started watching Spongebob Squarepants with my nephew while I was in Washington. ...now that I'm back in Arizona I can't stop watching it.

...

Help me.

I'm gonna be in Washington until the 15th and then I finally get to go home. Not that that will be much better. I took living alone for granted. Time to lie to myself some more about how I'm gonna get my act together. What I need is some way to make myself not wait for things to just magically happen. PS typing on a Wii sucks. SUCKS

Life. Complex series of random events, or strange plan that fits together in the end? There's a thinker.

The more I try to find some way to not have to spend the rest of the day alone the more upset I'm getting. I really... I really don't want to be by myself right now. At first I thought I'd go hang out with Robert but its his girlfriend's birthday. Gino is on the Queen Mary today with HVRN. My mom is in the hospital with a migraine. Today just sucks ( Read more... )

I'm going to my great grandmother's funeral in an hour. I'm not sure how I should feel. When she died I was upset, but now I don't really feel anything. Maybe that will change in a little while. I've never been to a funeral before. When I was younger my mother didn't take me to any, she thought I couldn't handle it. She was probably right ( Read more... )

First christmas I've ever not been an emotional wreck. I'm feeling quite normal in fact, whee. Admittedly I'm a tad drunk , ut that is irrelevant. shit is going pretty well. I mean, normal stuff aside. I've been using match.com. That site pisses me off. You see somebody and you fucking know you'd get along well but they never respond to your ( Read more... )