just realizing how deep the GAME goes. all of life is a game. we entered this experience, apparently unaware, cos if we did, why would we want to participate? how can manipulating objects be a pleasure when it's so easy to get lost in them...if they're not real, then why create the illusion? you want the illusion just to undo it and you want to ( Read more... )

my lungs, my head and my hair are all exhausted with living this lifestyle that isn't even mine. my god! what was the fuckin point of it all?? a pipedream handed down to me when i was 13 so i could be popular with the chicks! there it is! i gave it 10 years of my life! and i'm fuckin DONE with it! OVER! FIN! what did i learn from it?! never to try ( Read more... )

this is crazy, my life is nuts! i can't handle the daily decisions! I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF ANYMORE ( Read more... )

so i have finally discovered the truth and it is more beautiful than i could have imagined, i feel it even as i am typing this, it is miraculous.

the truth that i have been running from in fear is that there IS nothing to fear. hehe silly me.

i can not stop time, i can not control other people, i can not look for everlasting love from anyone but

it hurt more this time than it did any other time. i did so much convincing to her and myself that it was really going to be different and work out this time ( Read more... )

so funny how people are affected by certain things, almost automatically- be it the rain, night, wind, or cold, the world will NOT go out in these conditions ( Read more... )

FACK!!! decision making! why is it the world's MOST difficult thing to do!! I HATE IT!! the responsibility and the consequence of ALL of my decisions thruout the day, and the right ones are not always so clear!! it's like a fucking ENDLESS game!! it's like, i know it's just a test, and each decision will lead you towards a better path, but fuck if ( Read more... )

i'm starting to learn some new healthy habits for myself. there are a few things that i know cause me pain and that i wish to avoid for now ( Read more... )

i'm caught again wondering if i should be...aghhh...i don't know what reaching an audience is all about for me...is it the money? the fans? the attention? the love of talking to people? trying to seek oneness ( Read more... )

i now feel so much sympathy towards so many people having a hard time in their lives. i used to criticize and judge them all as if i was any better. but on an inner level, it was just a precursor of events that would go terribly wrong for me too. it's again, basically all an ego problem that manifests into a physical ailment. i watched roy in the ( Read more... )