so happy to see that there has been a life waiting for me outside of my smoking habit. i've been so consumed by it, i forgot what it's like to be in my normal state of mind, comfortable in myself, by myself, at my own house. being high is like having the third person in your head intensified times a hundred so you never truly feel alone or at peace ( Read more... )

i am so confused by her. why do i keep pushing her love away from me? am i afraid that she likes me too much? and why can't i like her back? what don't i like about her? do i just smoke too much that i can't think clearly anymore? i feel like i've always had a hard time reading my emotions. i guess i felt like she was too clingy, and like all of my ( Read more... )

feeling so lonely and betrayed by the world right now. it's nothing too unexpected because i knew the friends i worked with aren't particularly driven for music or aren't too terribly easy to work with, so what am i to do? work by myself? seems to make the most sense, could be what i want the most anyways all along. so why am i pretending? wouldn't ( Read more... )

i am so grateful to be living in los angeles with all of my friends. i love their company, i love their smiles and their warmth. i love being good to them because they are good to me. i love smoking with them, i love laughing with them. i love having friends that i can meditate and share my spiritual practices with ( Read more... )

i am SO grateful now that i am living in thailand with my godfather and bank! it is so wonderful to be here i feel as though i am finally living on the right path! i have always wanted to be spiritual in a spiritual place since i was 17, i know that this place is my home. i am finally with nature!! the trees and the sky here are SO BEAUTIFUL!!! ( Read more... )

this law of attraction stuff makes sense, but it still seems to be aimed at the future. now, it is true that they do state that the moment of joy that you're imagining in the future is supposed to be felt NOW, but the fact of the matter is, you're still sitting there with your eyes closed "imagining," and to be fair, feeling, the joy of having the ( Read more... )

how lovely it is to say that you have a life that is your own!! i'm just discovering this! i choose everything i do on a daily basis, because it is MY decision to do so! what a life! and i mean, WHAT a life!! how beautiful! everything i have i can change, and everything i like i can keep. no one can ever take this from me. this life is my own, my ( Read more... )

i'm basically figuring out my problem...i like oblivion, so i choose death. i like escape, so i choose music. i don't think like others, so i run away into my head. i hate frustration, so i choose drugs. i hate work, so i choose the easiest way possible to make a comfortable living. i hate money, so i don't work for it. all of these things mean ( Read more... )

what is depression? is it your true self being depressed by thoughts of a false self? and if that true self exists then does it have anything to do with how you make your living, spend your time or decisions you make? because these are the only things that are depressing me. i want more free time, but it doesn't seem possible living two lifestyles ( Read more... )

i haven't spoken to this journal in so long! and my thoughts have been scattered as hell! how could i leave this for so long ( Read more... )