When the hurt is bigger than you
It consumes

I am so tired of pain and dead ends

I am so tired of me

This needs to end already

I so very badly need a hug. I need someone, who isn't my awful fucking wife, to acknowledge me.

To see me. I need someone to know me. To recognize me. And remind me of what I need to know.

These people have all been chased out of my life or forcibly cut off.

Why the fuck is my life at this point now? Why the fuck is it so hard? Why am I so fucked up? ( Read more... )

Bit out of season, but I wanted to keep this going. So the 2023 update is a few months late, but whatever.

Spotify Top Artists of the Year:
2018: Carpenter Brut
2019: Ashbury Heights
2020: Master Boot Record (Playing The Nile in October!!!)
2021: Caspian
2022: Violet Cold
2023: Harakiri for the Sky

I also put together a playlist of all my recent ( Read more... )

Hark ye, O man, and list to this wisdom: where do name and form cease? Only in consciousness, invisible, an infinite force of radiance bright. The forms that ye create by brightening thy vision are truly effects that follow thy cause ( Read more... )

I need to put this somewhere ( Read more... )

Vacant ( Read more... )

Praying for myself.
These thoughts I try to hide.
I have faith in me and hope this will survive.
But it's tearing me apart.
I can't hear the words by which I guide.
So I must ask again who will carry me.
I will not deny that nothing can defend
from the helplessness that's cutting deep inside,
and I cannot prevent the thought that nothings real.
( Read more... )

Okay world. I've decided it's time to work on getting back in touch with myself and pursuing my hobbies and shit again.

I've decided using this to write out my thoughts is something I absolutely need at this point in my life. I've always been a writer, and I haven't written much in the past couple of years.

So... expect to see more here... 

I may start posting publicly again. Having a digital journal with me at all times is pretty cool.

We'll see.

Ayyyyy lmao