"Crawling Backwards" Ch 17
Title: Crawling Backwards
Author: 616HasGotAName
Fandom: Music/VAM
Summery: Ville is in love with Bam, but Bam only loves Ville when he’s drunk. By morning it’s forgotten and Bam goes on to believe that they’re still just friends. Ville puts up with it for his love, but it’s slowly killing him inside.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Pairing: VAM…eventually.
Rating: NC-17 in some parts…but generally it’s R
This lovely banner was made by the one and only annushkazhivago. Thanks bunches, doll!
As always, links behind the cut.
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
This chapter is sickeningly short. Sorry. It's just...well, I've never done cocaine so it's a bit hard to write about it. Being inexperienced is not very good, but I don't plan to go shoot up in order to write better. I've based this soley off the stories I've heard from friends who've tried it and a few internet stories I read recently. I hope it doesn't suck.
And, again, sorry for how short it is.
Chapter Seventeen
I was on top of the world. I was a God. I was invincible. Nothing could stop me.
At first I didn’t think the drug had worked, but after a few steps I felt a sense of divine euphoria wash over me. Somehow I had managed to stumble back to the party, a half empty beer clutched in my right hand and illegal drugs racing through my bloodstream. The music was still blasting from the jukebox, only now it seemed amplified and distorted-a strange remix of all the songs I had come to love. A Datsuns song quickly faded into Turbonegro, the two distinct sounds blending together without a pause. The Pirate Bar was packed with nameless faces, all dancing to tunes they probably didn’t know the meaning of, but I wasn’t interested in any of them. There was only one person I wanted to find.
He was standing in the living room, leaning over the couch and giving Dunn a friendly punch in the face. It was probably wrong to interrupt them, but there was no time. It was now or never.
Walking over to Bam, I wrapped my arms sensually around his waist and pulled him away from the couch before placing a kiss on his neck. Dunn gave me a strange look, but I ignored it and kept my eyes on Bam.
“What are you doing?” he asked playfully, trying to swat my hands away. But I wouldn’t allow that to happen-not now.
Without answering his question, I grabbed his hand and dragged him toward the stairs, not caring about the looks we were getting from people around the room. He followed with a smirk on his face, seemingly eager for whatever I had in store. I threw a teasing smile over my shoulder and continued to pull him toward my bedroom.
Before we could reach the door, though, he wrenched his hand free and paused. I gave him a confused look and reached out for the limp hand once again, but he swatted me away, a frown placed firmly on his lips.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he asked, his voice raised slightly over the booming music. My heart was racing as I tried to piece together a suitable answer, but then I realized that nothing was better than the truth.
“I thought we could fuck,” I shrugged, once again grabbing his hand and reaching for the doorknob. As I finally got the door open he pulled away again, this time pushing me back slightly.
I glanced at him over my shoulder, the light from the hallway illuminating his figure almost angelically, and gave him the sexiest wink I could muster in my speeding state. I was about to call out to him when he beat me to the punch. “Ville, we can’t do this right now. There’s a ton of people here.”
“So what? They’re all busy downstairs; I promise no one will know.” He didn’t answer me for a moment, as if complementing whether or not to go through with my little romp. When he did decide to speak up, his answer was quick and harsh.
“No,” with that he turned on his heel and stalked away from me angrily, his feet stomping out a staccato rhythm that almost matched the beat of the music around us. I was stuck staring at the space he had occupied for a long moment, unable to comprehend exactly what had just happened. Did he just turn me down? Well, I couldn’t very well have that, now could I?
I felt like a spiteful girlfriend as I stomped down the stairs with my hands placed firmly on my hips. Bam was standing by the couch once again, but Dunn had moved on to the rest of the party and the only person nearby was Raab. Perfect.
“Bam, can we talk, sweetheart?” I asked lightly-or, as lightly as I could over the blaring music. He glanced my way briefly before telling Raab to hold on and grabbing my hand. I allowed him to pull me away from the crowd and into a slightly less packed area of the room.
“What do you want, Ville?” the question was harsh and seemed almost like a slap to the face. With a smile, I ran my index finger down his chest and tried to pull him to me, but before I could he cut me off. “I can’t do this here…not now with all of these people here.”
He gave an almost fearful look around the room, trying to make sure that no one was staring at us in our little corner. “Why does it matter what they think? I know you want to be with me…so do it.”
“You have no idea what these guys would do if they knew I was…” he paused for a second, as if trying to find the right word. “Like that.”
“Let’s find out,” I smiled wickedly, not giving him time to respond before crashing my lips against his. He was so startled at first that he didn’t pull away, his tongue slipping in my mouth as it battled with my own. I tangled my right hand in his hair and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Already I could feel the eyes on us, quizitive glances being cast our way accompanied by the occasional gasp of surprise. Bam seemed to sense this too, for not a minute later did he pull away; gasping for breath and his eyes darting around the room frantically.
I smirked triumphantly and moved to pull him back to me, but he swatted away my hands and took a step back. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but Raab got to it first.
“Dude, what the hell was that?” His words were slurred from alcohol, but still very clear. There was a collective nod from our little ‘audience’ and I saw Bam visibly tense as he took yet another step away from me.
He cast an almost evil glare at me from the corner of his eye before saying, “You guys know how he gets when he’s drunk.” He tried to explain away my actions very carefully, stumbling over his words as he struggled to come up with an excuse. “You’re just messing around, right Ville?”
I felt all of the eyes turn to me as he finished his question, but for some reason I couldn’t get any words to come out. It felt like they were all trying to grab at me, eat me alive with their stares. Gulping down the lump in my throat, I turned to Bam and scowled, “If that’s what I am to you…just messing around…well then fuck you, Bam.”
“Fuck me? Fuck you!” he retaliated defensively. I almost laughed at the immaturity of his statement. Almost. Anger was building up in my chest but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from-all I knew was that I was fucking pissed off.
With a seductive wink, I yelled as loud as I could, “That’s not what you said last night!” I didn’t wait for his response before pushing my way through the crowd and leaving him there with his mouth hanging open. I briefly heard someone call my name behind me, but I ignored it and made my way toward my room upstairs.
The bedroom was dark, but I quickly maneuvered my way to the bed from memory and threw myself on the plush mattress. The springs squeaked slightly in protest at my added weight, but I ignored it and proceeded to stare at the ceiling. Why the fuck did he feel like he had to keep up some sort of front for his friends? Why couldn’t he just admit that he loves me? That way we would be able to be affectionate in public, that way I could kiss him any time I wanted, that way I could have someone to talk to about our little relationship. It was fucking bullshit.
A loud pounding on the door pulled me from my thoughts, but I remained where I was-suddenly feeling very sick to my stomach. The pounding continued as I curled in the fetal position on the bed, clutching at my stomach as if it were about to fall off. It felt like there was a ton of bricks in my gut that were trying to push their way through my intestines. The pounding faded away, and I was sure it was about to stop, when something was roughly slammed against the door. Groaning in both pain and annoyance, I carefully hoisted myself from the bed and stumbled toward the door. The room seemed to tilt more with every step, yet I could still keenly make out each line before me. Everything was sharp and clear, as if I were seeing for the first time, but the sense of nausea wouldn’t leave me alone.
It seemed to take me forever to reach the door, and when I finally jerked it open I was surprised to see Bam standing there. That fucker did not need to be around me right now. I moved to slam the door in his face, but a fast hand quickly darted out and skillfully held to door open.
“Ville, we need to talk. I’m really sorry about-”
“Get the fuck out of here,” I cut him off, shoving him back slightly. When his hold on the door didn’t let up, I growled in frustration and tried to pry his hand away. That didn’t work either, and I quickly gave up and moved aside.
He stood there for a moment, probably expecting me to lash out at him again, but eventually walked into the room; clicking the door shut silently behind him. “Listen, I didn’t mean to act that way back there.”
“Bam, I don’t give a shit about anything you have to fucking say right now.” I snarled between grinding teeth. “In fact, I’d really appreciate it if you’d leave me the fuck alone.” As I gave my little speech I was making my way toward the bed. I sat down gingerly at the end, glaring up at him the best I could.
“Listen, Ville, I’m really sorry…”
I stopped listening after that. His voice seemed to fade away as I concentrated on the growing pain in my stomach. I felt the bed dip down slightly as he sat beside me, wrapping a tentative arm around my shoulder. The sudden movement only served to increase the nauseous feeling I was having and I quickly pushed him away. I felt more than saw him tense up next to me, his eyes locking with mine for the briefest of moments before falling to the floor.
“Just get the fuck out,” I mumbled after a moment, the anger I was feeling before quickly turning to depression. Rather than leaving like I hoped he would, he scooted closer to me on the bed.
“Jesus, how much did you drink?” The question was simple, yet I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth.
“A lot,” I lied. The queasiness kicked in then ten-fold, causing me to double over on the bed and nearly fall to the floor. I would’ve done a face-plant if had not have caught me. Pushing his arms away roughly, I stood on shaky feet and rushed to the bathroom. Whatever I ate earlier was quickly coming back up, and I needed to find a toilet fast.
As I stumbled into the bathroom, I heard him follow me just before I retched the contents of whatever was in my stomach into the in-suite toilet. I felt a comforting hand run over my back as he tucked my hair behind my ears. The vomiting quickly turned to dry heaving and it became increasingly difficult to catch my breath. As the wave of sickness washed over me, I pushed away from the porcelain god and shoved Bam away from me.
“Seriously, just get the fuck out,” I said stubbornly, my eyes scrunching up in pain. “I’m not feeling too good.”
He stood there for a second, concern etched all over his face, before asking, “Is there anything you want me to get you?”
“No, now leave.” The biting anger in my voice came as a shock even to me, but I didn’t apologize for it as he nodded and walked out. The room quickly grew silent, only the distant sound of a booming bass echoing through the walls. I stood there for a second, staring at the spot Bam had recently occupied, before stumbling out of the bathroom and into the warm bed.
~*~
Again, sorry. In fact, I hate this chapter. It seems way too rushed. I think I'll re-write it later. Sorry.
Short explination: Every single person I know who's ever done cocaine had told me that that the high only lasts between 15-30 minutes...hence Ville's quick reactions and quick come-down. I figure that Novak would have enough sense to give him a small dose, seeing as it was his first time. So...that's it. It's also been described that the withdrawles (or coming down) from coke result in mood swings, anger, depression, physical pain, aggression, paranoia, and/or stress. I didn't want to add in ALL of them because...well, that would be a bit unbelieveable. In short, I hope I did a good job with this.
Now here's something you guys can do for me: I need a new summary for this story. The old one is a bit out dated...seeing as their relationship has moved on a bit from that point. But I can't really think of anything to put down. If you guys could help me out, it would be greatly apreciated! You will be paid in VAM cookies!!!
Author: 616HasGotAName
Fandom: Music/VAM
Summery: Ville is in love with Bam, but Bam only loves Ville when he’s drunk. By morning it’s forgotten and Bam goes on to believe that they’re still just friends. Ville puts up with it for his love, but it’s slowly killing him inside.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Pairing: VAM…eventually.
Rating: NC-17 in some parts…but generally it’s R
This lovely banner was made by the one and only annushkazhivago. Thanks bunches, doll!
As always, links behind the cut.
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
This chapter is sickeningly short. Sorry. It's just...well, I've never done cocaine so it's a bit hard to write about it. Being inexperienced is not very good, but I don't plan to go shoot up in order to write better. I've based this soley off the stories I've heard from friends who've tried it and a few internet stories I read recently. I hope it doesn't suck.
And, again, sorry for how short it is.
Chapter Seventeen
I was on top of the world. I was a God. I was invincible. Nothing could stop me.
At first I didn’t think the drug had worked, but after a few steps I felt a sense of divine euphoria wash over me. Somehow I had managed to stumble back to the party, a half empty beer clutched in my right hand and illegal drugs racing through my bloodstream. The music was still blasting from the jukebox, only now it seemed amplified and distorted-a strange remix of all the songs I had come to love. A Datsuns song quickly faded into Turbonegro, the two distinct sounds blending together without a pause. The Pirate Bar was packed with nameless faces, all dancing to tunes they probably didn’t know the meaning of, but I wasn’t interested in any of them. There was only one person I wanted to find.
He was standing in the living room, leaning over the couch and giving Dunn a friendly punch in the face. It was probably wrong to interrupt them, but there was no time. It was now or never.
Walking over to Bam, I wrapped my arms sensually around his waist and pulled him away from the couch before placing a kiss on his neck. Dunn gave me a strange look, but I ignored it and kept my eyes on Bam.
“What are you doing?” he asked playfully, trying to swat my hands away. But I wouldn’t allow that to happen-not now.
Without answering his question, I grabbed his hand and dragged him toward the stairs, not caring about the looks we were getting from people around the room. He followed with a smirk on his face, seemingly eager for whatever I had in store. I threw a teasing smile over my shoulder and continued to pull him toward my bedroom.
Before we could reach the door, though, he wrenched his hand free and paused. I gave him a confused look and reached out for the limp hand once again, but he swatted me away, a frown placed firmly on his lips.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he asked, his voice raised slightly over the booming music. My heart was racing as I tried to piece together a suitable answer, but then I realized that nothing was better than the truth.
“I thought we could fuck,” I shrugged, once again grabbing his hand and reaching for the doorknob. As I finally got the door open he pulled away again, this time pushing me back slightly.
I glanced at him over my shoulder, the light from the hallway illuminating his figure almost angelically, and gave him the sexiest wink I could muster in my speeding state. I was about to call out to him when he beat me to the punch. “Ville, we can’t do this right now. There’s a ton of people here.”
“So what? They’re all busy downstairs; I promise no one will know.” He didn’t answer me for a moment, as if complementing whether or not to go through with my little romp. When he did decide to speak up, his answer was quick and harsh.
“No,” with that he turned on his heel and stalked away from me angrily, his feet stomping out a staccato rhythm that almost matched the beat of the music around us. I was stuck staring at the space he had occupied for a long moment, unable to comprehend exactly what had just happened. Did he just turn me down? Well, I couldn’t very well have that, now could I?
I felt like a spiteful girlfriend as I stomped down the stairs with my hands placed firmly on my hips. Bam was standing by the couch once again, but Dunn had moved on to the rest of the party and the only person nearby was Raab. Perfect.
“Bam, can we talk, sweetheart?” I asked lightly-or, as lightly as I could over the blaring music. He glanced my way briefly before telling Raab to hold on and grabbing my hand. I allowed him to pull me away from the crowd and into a slightly less packed area of the room.
“What do you want, Ville?” the question was harsh and seemed almost like a slap to the face. With a smile, I ran my index finger down his chest and tried to pull him to me, but before I could he cut me off. “I can’t do this here…not now with all of these people here.”
He gave an almost fearful look around the room, trying to make sure that no one was staring at us in our little corner. “Why does it matter what they think? I know you want to be with me…so do it.”
“You have no idea what these guys would do if they knew I was…” he paused for a second, as if trying to find the right word. “Like that.”
“Let’s find out,” I smiled wickedly, not giving him time to respond before crashing my lips against his. He was so startled at first that he didn’t pull away, his tongue slipping in my mouth as it battled with my own. I tangled my right hand in his hair and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Already I could feel the eyes on us, quizitive glances being cast our way accompanied by the occasional gasp of surprise. Bam seemed to sense this too, for not a minute later did he pull away; gasping for breath and his eyes darting around the room frantically.
I smirked triumphantly and moved to pull him back to me, but he swatted away my hands and took a step back. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but Raab got to it first.
“Dude, what the hell was that?” His words were slurred from alcohol, but still very clear. There was a collective nod from our little ‘audience’ and I saw Bam visibly tense as he took yet another step away from me.
He cast an almost evil glare at me from the corner of his eye before saying, “You guys know how he gets when he’s drunk.” He tried to explain away my actions very carefully, stumbling over his words as he struggled to come up with an excuse. “You’re just messing around, right Ville?”
I felt all of the eyes turn to me as he finished his question, but for some reason I couldn’t get any words to come out. It felt like they were all trying to grab at me, eat me alive with their stares. Gulping down the lump in my throat, I turned to Bam and scowled, “If that’s what I am to you…just messing around…well then fuck you, Bam.”
“Fuck me? Fuck you!” he retaliated defensively. I almost laughed at the immaturity of his statement. Almost. Anger was building up in my chest but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from-all I knew was that I was fucking pissed off.
With a seductive wink, I yelled as loud as I could, “That’s not what you said last night!” I didn’t wait for his response before pushing my way through the crowd and leaving him there with his mouth hanging open. I briefly heard someone call my name behind me, but I ignored it and made my way toward my room upstairs.
The bedroom was dark, but I quickly maneuvered my way to the bed from memory and threw myself on the plush mattress. The springs squeaked slightly in protest at my added weight, but I ignored it and proceeded to stare at the ceiling. Why the fuck did he feel like he had to keep up some sort of front for his friends? Why couldn’t he just admit that he loves me? That way we would be able to be affectionate in public, that way I could kiss him any time I wanted, that way I could have someone to talk to about our little relationship. It was fucking bullshit.
A loud pounding on the door pulled me from my thoughts, but I remained where I was-suddenly feeling very sick to my stomach. The pounding continued as I curled in the fetal position on the bed, clutching at my stomach as if it were about to fall off. It felt like there was a ton of bricks in my gut that were trying to push their way through my intestines. The pounding faded away, and I was sure it was about to stop, when something was roughly slammed against the door. Groaning in both pain and annoyance, I carefully hoisted myself from the bed and stumbled toward the door. The room seemed to tilt more with every step, yet I could still keenly make out each line before me. Everything was sharp and clear, as if I were seeing for the first time, but the sense of nausea wouldn’t leave me alone.
It seemed to take me forever to reach the door, and when I finally jerked it open I was surprised to see Bam standing there. That fucker did not need to be around me right now. I moved to slam the door in his face, but a fast hand quickly darted out and skillfully held to door open.
“Ville, we need to talk. I’m really sorry about-”
“Get the fuck out of here,” I cut him off, shoving him back slightly. When his hold on the door didn’t let up, I growled in frustration and tried to pry his hand away. That didn’t work either, and I quickly gave up and moved aside.
He stood there for a moment, probably expecting me to lash out at him again, but eventually walked into the room; clicking the door shut silently behind him. “Listen, I didn’t mean to act that way back there.”
“Bam, I don’t give a shit about anything you have to fucking say right now.” I snarled between grinding teeth. “In fact, I’d really appreciate it if you’d leave me the fuck alone.” As I gave my little speech I was making my way toward the bed. I sat down gingerly at the end, glaring up at him the best I could.
“Listen, Ville, I’m really sorry…”
I stopped listening after that. His voice seemed to fade away as I concentrated on the growing pain in my stomach. I felt the bed dip down slightly as he sat beside me, wrapping a tentative arm around my shoulder. The sudden movement only served to increase the nauseous feeling I was having and I quickly pushed him away. I felt more than saw him tense up next to me, his eyes locking with mine for the briefest of moments before falling to the floor.
“Just get the fuck out,” I mumbled after a moment, the anger I was feeling before quickly turning to depression. Rather than leaving like I hoped he would, he scooted closer to me on the bed.
“Jesus, how much did you drink?” The question was simple, yet I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth.
“A lot,” I lied. The queasiness kicked in then ten-fold, causing me to double over on the bed and nearly fall to the floor. I would’ve done a face-plant if had not have caught me. Pushing his arms away roughly, I stood on shaky feet and rushed to the bathroom. Whatever I ate earlier was quickly coming back up, and I needed to find a toilet fast.
As I stumbled into the bathroom, I heard him follow me just before I retched the contents of whatever was in my stomach into the in-suite toilet. I felt a comforting hand run over my back as he tucked my hair behind my ears. The vomiting quickly turned to dry heaving and it became increasingly difficult to catch my breath. As the wave of sickness washed over me, I pushed away from the porcelain god and shoved Bam away from me.
“Seriously, just get the fuck out,” I said stubbornly, my eyes scrunching up in pain. “I’m not feeling too good.”
He stood there for a second, concern etched all over his face, before asking, “Is there anything you want me to get you?”
“No, now leave.” The biting anger in my voice came as a shock even to me, but I didn’t apologize for it as he nodded and walked out. The room quickly grew silent, only the distant sound of a booming bass echoing through the walls. I stood there for a second, staring at the spot Bam had recently occupied, before stumbling out of the bathroom and into the warm bed.
~*~
Again, sorry. In fact, I hate this chapter. It seems way too rushed. I think I'll re-write it later. Sorry.
Short explination: Every single person I know who's ever done cocaine had told me that that the high only lasts between 15-30 minutes...hence Ville's quick reactions and quick come-down. I figure that Novak would have enough sense to give him a small dose, seeing as it was his first time. So...that's it. It's also been described that the withdrawles (or coming down) from coke result in mood swings, anger, depression, physical pain, aggression, paranoia, and/or stress. I didn't want to add in ALL of them because...well, that would be a bit unbelieveable. In short, I hope I did a good job with this.
Now here's something you guys can do for me: I need a new summary for this story. The old one is a bit out dated...seeing as their relationship has moved on a bit from that point. But I can't really think of anything to put down. If you guys could help me out, it would be greatly apreciated! You will be paid in VAM cookies!!!