the computer is a fantastic tool in my life:

• without a calendar in my pocket in the form of a microcomputer (palm pilot, smart phone) i could never effectively live the life i'm trying to live (life goal!)--participant, doer, community builder, fun-lover, socialite. that technology has enabled me for 14 years now!
  
• without a keyboard i'd probably ( Read more... )

my god have my emotions been a roller coaster lately. as i'm certain is clear to the 3 remaining readers of this blog and my twitter stream, i've been having a hard time with my ex. feelings of betrayal, bitterness, sadness, needing space and hating when i have it. completely fucking irrational and pretty unhappy some of the time ( Read more... )

i had one of those thoughts, earlier, the kind that makes me want to pick apart my feelings on a topic in public and request the pleasure of your commentary. and then i failed to act upon this urge immediately and like a dream interrupted by the sounds of a cat getting sick, it evaporated in the instant of distraction, action, and reaction. of ( Read more... )

yesterday i had a beer. but for the 7 days preceding that, i had none. after my post about alcoholism i back-burnered thoughts of illness and addiction because i'd kind of made my peace with the situation--i like drinking but don't believe i'm compelled to do it or anything. and suddenly i had a day where i explicitly didn't feel like drinking, ( Read more... )

i've long thought it was maybe dedication or devotion, maybe communication or cooperation. and while all of those things are awesome and necessary for me to *enjoy* a relationship (of any kind--from work colleague to lover), i've recently come up against the lowest common denominator in my mind: respect ( Read more... )

so i'm in a rather better mood this week than last. thanks to the trifecta of her forgiving me enough that i think we will remain friends, the passage of time, and the support of my awesome friends. thanks, everyone who reached out to me--it was a lot of tears and a lot of struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but i'm gonna make it ( Read more... )

what is the hardest thing you've ever done?

for me it was telling dark_knightly that i couldn't live with her. one moment, harder than 5 years of earning my black belt? totally. she asked me to "keep it off the internet" but i don't think she meant here; i think she meant twitter and facebook, where she still lives. here is a ghost town and since i still ( Read more... )

submitted for your perusal, some random points:

for what is probably the first time in my life, i picked up a girl at a bar last weekend. granted, we were both part of a stupendously awesome "cease fire" pub crawl put on by the alter egos society, and we were both dressed in ridiculous superhero costumes. so at least we knew we were fishing in a ( Read more... )

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most days now i feel like all of my "good epic" experiences were in the past. ( like, when i was twenty-something, )