I dreamt last night that my mother died. It was agony. The specifics have all but faded now...but..from what i remember...My father continued on a downward spiral and my life became a living and breathing hell.

In my waking moments...realizing it was a dream......i was left with this hollow feeling...I felt afraid

I went for my follow up appointment ( Read more... )

I'm going for my check-up today.

Hopefully everything is okie

I'm getting paranoid again.

I think SW's friends can't stand me. I'm feeling fat and hated.

Its a familiar feeling, i havnt felt in years.

S is the only man I ever really felt I loved. Granted...it was hardly a man we fell in love. I knew the moment i brushed his arm. I ached for him..and melted under his touch. I can't describe the feeling properly..but its all stingy and hot...and although I have felt it since...never as long lasting..or consistant. Now its like it never happend... ( Read more... )

I am feeling some seriously hyped up emotions lately. I'm not really used to.

When I think of my mother, or father. I want to cry.

I still don't regret my choice........but I wish I wernt soo alone. I can't honestly say I feel i'll ever be loved by anyone in a healthy way.

see...the threat of tears.

Why am i soo afraid to try therapy?

My father gets better and then worse ( Read more... )

Although there is a distinct chance that I'll never see Patsy again. I cannot make that assumption. I am not chaning my lifestyle. I don't know what happened to him, I just know that he stopped calling. At worst he could have been picked up by immigration and sent home. At best, he went on a bender, and didn't feel that it was appropriet to call me ( Read more... )

The pap came back fine, this is good news.

There is a little bleeding...my boobs still kinda hurt..and i'm feelign very emotional.

I dont know why im resisting getting therapy..i feel okay most of the time.

I need to stop eating soo much

I've been on an emotional roller-coaster for the better part of 2 months.......and its not over just yet ( Read more... )