Written All Over My Face (7/?)
Written All Over My Face
Author: alienanalysis
Title: Written All Over My Face (7/?)
Pairing: Kradam
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kris decides he is ready to face the music and go public but Adam has other ideas, leading to more trauma and more tears.
Length: 2,000
Disclaimer: Thisisaworkoffictionidontowneitheroftheguysmaycontainstronglanguageandcontentofasexualnatureblahblahblah.
Notes: Angst alert! Time for more tears, sorry guys. I’m away in London for a Halloween party most of the weekend, but will have the next part up Sunday/Monday... sorry for leaving it on such a cliff-hanger!
Previous chapters:
Chapter 1: A conversation with a chat-show shrink makes Kris finally realize the feelings he’d been hiding in the deepest, darkest part of his mind for months
Chapter 2: Kris searches for the right words to tell Adam his feelings, but it isn’t an easy task. How exactly can he tell Adam he wants to stick his tongue down his throat when he can’t even get his tongue to function enough to speak..?
Chapter 3: Still unable to find the right words to tell Adam, Kris decides to let their bodies do the talking during a seemingly innocent cuddle in Adam’s bed.
Chapter 4: While a blissful Kris dreams of a Disney-style happily ever after, in contrast Adam can’t help worrying that his perfect life is about to come crumbling down
Chapter 5: Kris is relieved when his family accept his relationship with Adam, but he soon learns that not everybody back home is as open-minded
Chapter 6: To put the press of the scent, 19E send Adam and Kris off on very public dates... with different people. Cue boredom, frustration, anger... and hot phone-sex
Soon-to-be-divorced Kris Allen was spotted on a date with a mystery blonde this week - but our body language expert thinks the photos are merely a publicity stunt to dispel the recent gay rumors surrounding Allen and close ‘friend’ Adam Lambert.
Kris felt the urge to slam his fist through the screen of the laptop, but as it was Adam’s new iBook that hadn’t come cheap, he resisted and read on.
Kris and the blonde barely look at one another once in between exiting their car and entering the restaurant. While the blonde is grinning for the cameras and leading the way inside, Kris’s stiff posture, eyes-to-the-ground and awkward forced smile are all signs that he is uncomfortable with the situation.
‘Damn right I was.’
Kris’s body language in this recent photo with Adam paints a different picture completely. Although only walking side-by-side with no overt displays of affection, Kris and Adam are standing at a very close proximity; an invasion of personal space usually only reserved for lovers. Their relaxed open posture and mirrored smiles are both signals of a mutual attraction.
Kris gazed at the photo of the pair of them strolling down the sidewalk and nodded in agreement. It was so obvious. There was no fooling the body language expert, and there was no fooling the public. He’d tried not to read any press about the situation, but from what he’d heard it was obvious nobody was buying the whole fake date scenario.
He just hoped 19E realized how dumb the whole thing was and let him and Adam just be honest and open about their relationship.
Over the past few days, Kris had been thinking up ways he could ‘come out’. He’d considered filming a bubbletweet, much like the original Kradam tweet from the tour bus when he’d joked about going ‘on top’ but this time with a surprise twist at the end. The fans would love that... but the management wouldn’t.
He could do it in style like Adam had and appear on the cover of a magazine. But Kris Allen, sweet Christian boy, was hardly rock & roll enough for Rolling Stone magazine.
Or he and Adam could simply go on a real date together and let their body language confirm what everybody already suspected.
Kris just wanted to get the whole secrecy thing out of the way already, sick of creeping around not being allowed to be spotted with Adam, cloak-and-dagger operations every time he wanted to leave and enter the house, and not being able to go anywhere in public without worrying about people whispering. Luckily he’d not had any promo appearances for a few days and on the rare occasions when he’d ventured out to go to Yoghurtland or Carls Jr, he’d managed to hide under a baseball cap and shades and avoid the attention.
Attention. Kris had never particularly liked the attention that fame had brought him, even before the whole fiasco with Adam had begun. Teen girls screaming at him on the sidewalk, photographers snapping him in public, random women rushing up to him in Starbucks asking for him to sign their coffee cups. It was so crazy, so surreal, so.... annoying.
And he knew it would get 10,000 times worse once he and Adam became official.
Adam was the polar opposite, thriving on all the attention, taking it in his stride and enjoying all the drama he caused from things as small as farting on the tour bus.
Up until now, Kris had managed to keep his fame pretty low-key, not really one for celebrity night clubs and red carpets. But that would soon change once Adam wanted to take his new arm candy to the hottest parties. The thought of appearing on Perez Hilton every day and all the bitchy user comments underneath the photos made him want to vomit.
He hated all things ‘celebrity’ and had never gone on Idol for that aspect of fame. He just wanted to record and perform good music and entertain people. The thought of the constant media circus surrounding the situation really scared him.
Plus there was the added pressure of the effect the relationship would have on his career. The label had warned him that a large chunk of his fan base would desert him, and after his disastrous shopping trip in Arkansas he knew they were right.
All these thoughts had been playing on Kris’s mind constantly over the last few days and caused yet more sleepless nights. He was absolutely terrified of the consequences of revealing their relationship and knew they’d been in for a tough time.
But what Kris was more terrified about than anything was losing Adam. As scared as he was about the big revelation, nothing put more fear in him than the thought of breaking up with Adam. Despite all the drama around the photos getting out and the disastrous fake dates, the past couple of weeks with Adam had been the happiest time of his life. Every moment with Adam made him feel so... alive.
He couldn’t remember life before Adam, and couldn’t imagine life without him.
The constant hassle from the press, the homophobic comments from ignorant people, the high-octane lifestyle accompanying Adam to events... it was all part of the package when it came to dating Adam. There was a flip side to everything in life, and was a fact he’d have to accept.
And he had accepted it. All day, he’d been mentally preparing himself to face the music. Once Adam got home, he’d talk to him about the best approach to tackle the management, record label... then the public.
They’d get through it together.
He looked at the time, noticing how late it was and wondering where Adam was. He’d spent all day doing a photo shoot over the other side of LA, but he should have been back by now.
Kris turned the laptop off and started getting ready for bed. He hoped Adam would be back before he fell asleep, and hoped Adam wouldn’t be too tired for sex.
He laughed to himself for even considering that thought. Even if he’d been awake for 72 hours straight, Adam would never be too tired for sex.
Kris turned down the lights and crawled into the huge four poster bed he’d spent much of the last two weeks doing much more than sleeping in. He nuzzled the pillows, taking in the soft scent of Adam and sighing happily to himself. Even if he and Adam had rough days where they were hounded by journalists and bitched about by bloggers, at least they’d always be able to go home, draw the curtains and enjoy some private time together.
That made it all worthwhile.
*
‘Time for our next request, and on the line it’s Mandi from Pasadena. What do you want to hear?’
‘For Your Entertainment by Adam Lambert!’
Adam smiled to himself as he drove down the 101, always excited every time he heard himself on the radio.
‘Awesome choice! What do you all think of the rumors surrounding Adam and his Idol winner ‘friend’ Kris Allen?’
‘Um... I don’t know man, I’m kinda shocked about it all!’
Adam nodded. It was kind of shocking. He’d been more shocked than anybody when Kris had made the move on him after all those months.
He usually loved to shock people. It was all part of his image. Ring of Fire, the Rolling Stone cover, the Details magazine shoot, the album cover... he loved stirring people up and provoking reactions.
But he’d recently learnt that constantly trying to shock people didn’t always have the desired effect. He’d already read comments on several showbiz blogs that he was becoming ‘over-exposed’ and his relationship with Kris was ‘one step too far’ in terms of trying to gain column inches.
Only, his relationship with Kris hadn’t been another of his carefully-crafted, calculated moves. It had been unexpected, unplanned and unintentional.
He knew it could harm his career if he wasn’t careful, with fingers pointed at him for being a marriage-wrecker and publicity-seeker. But his main concern was about how it was harm Kris’s career.
And Kris’s life.
He couldn’t bear the thought of dragging Kris though the freak show that was his Hollywood life, knowing how-laid back Kris was and how he liked to lead a quiet, simple life.
Adam turned off the radio and tried to focus on the road, but his mind kept wandering back to the situation. He’d finished his photo shoot two hours ago, but had been driving around aimlessly, needing the time alone to just... think.
He’d done a lot of thinking. A lot. And he had come to the conclusion that he had two paths. Path #1 = quit hiding and go public. He knew it would be difficult for them both, but at least they would be able to rely on the love and support from one another. They had already been through a rollercoaster of a year together, from Idol, to the tour, to their solo records. They’d helped one another through all that craziness together and could do the same again once the media circus kicked off.
Then there was Path #2, which was so easy yet so hard at the same time.
Ending things with Kris.
As he stopped at a red light, Adam squeezed his eyes shut at the thought, not even wanting to consider it. Kris was the best thing that had ever happened to him. After so many doomed relationships and heartbreaks, he’d finally found somebody he was so in love with, who actually felt the same in return. Love like that was so rare, so precious.
He couldn’t let that slip through his fingers. He just couldn’t. It was the most scariest, depressing, heartbreaking thought.
As he eventually pulled into the driveway, Adam was still considering the two paths. Kris had told him countless times how sure he was that he wanted this, and how he was willing to accept the consequences and the craziness.
And Adam had no doubt Kris really meant that. He was so sincere and such a strong-willed person.
He locked the car and walked towards the doorway, decision made.
The house was dark as he walked inside. He paused by the doorway to the bedroom, noticing the dim light of the bedside lamp glowing through the crack.
He stood out of view and looked inside, to see Kris already in bed, eyes still open.
He looked so peaceful, so content, so happy.
Yet Adam was still haunted by the look on Kris’s face the previous week in Arkansas. He would never ever forget the way his face had crumbled and eyes filled with tears upon hearing the disgusting comments from the locals. It broke his heart every time he thought back to it.
And he never wanted to see that heartbreaking sight ever again. He knew he was making the right decision.
He continued standing outside the bedroom, working up the nerve to walk inside. Adam had always carried himself with such confidence, never lost for words. But he felt himself turning into a crumbling mess, hands shaking and tongue dry.
‘Kris...’ he began in a shaky voice, still standing outside.
He watched as Kris sat up excitedly in bed. ‘Adam, is that you?’
‘Of course it’s me, baby,’ Adam tried to laugh, but his voice was starting to waiver.
‘I’ve been waiting up for you,’ Kris gushed. ‘I’ve been doing a lot of thinking today...’
‘So have I,’ Adam interrupted, slowly moving towards the door.
He stood at the foot of the bed and looked back at Kris, tears now streaming down his face.
‘What, what?’ Kris gasped, jumping up to envelope Adam in his arms. ‘What’s wrong? Why are you crying?’ he gasped, stroking Adam’s tear-streaked cheeks.
Adam sank into Kris’s arms, feeling himself starting to shudder with every sob. ‘I-I-I’m so sorry Kris,’ he stuttered.
Kris looked back with wide eyes, looking confused. ‘Please, Adam! Just tell me what’s wrong?’
‘I’m breaking up with you, Kris. It’s over.’
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