I feel sad and lonely again, but not in a falling into insanity kind of way. Going home was a mental booster for me, it kicked me out of my weird life cycle and sort of made me realize my sudden intense love for my bf. It was simply that he was the only person in my life. 0_0 And the only one that I could lavish attention upon and etc etc.. It's so ( Read more... )

Back in my ED world again... after spending 6 days w/bf. I'm at 115.2lb. Dont' know whether to laugh or cry. At least...I ate normal and dind't gain everything back? (everything would be 117 ( Read more... )

I hate my weight, but I cant' seem to find my self control. I eat everything that I come in contact with and ... well, I've simply lost all control. Who knows how much I've gain thanks to the deluge of chocolates from bf and vday. =(  bf's home. update later.

Hi ya'll. Haven't posted at all lately because I've been at my bf's almost the whole last two weeks except mon - wed when I have class. He's such a sweetheart, always asking me to go up and I can't say no (my non-ED side won't let me.) A side effect of being there is my adoption of acompletely different mindset. When I'm up north my mentality is ( Read more... )

115 this morning. Sigh ~

My panic has resided now that the numbers are going down, but I wonder how hard is it to go back down to 110. I really want it, I need it.

Today's been such an odd day. Where do i start. I rose at 5 AM to catch the plane back to SB. I managed to resist food until 2 pm when I got out of class. I thought I'd go to the dinning commons and just get some hot tea. On the way out of the restroom I saw some salad, though it couldnt' hurt, and got a plateful. One plateful leads to two, and ( Read more... )

wow. i'm the biggest loser ever... or not. That oxymoron was fun. I gained 10 lbs in 4 days. Woohoo. lolz ( Read more... )

I'm contemplating on the JUDD diet. I dont' know how well it's going to work for me, depends on my mind set, i suppose ? I'm feeling ridiculously optimistic right now, so everything seems like the greatest idea ever. But just to focus on the positives for now ( Read more... )

failure for the day and i dont' feel too bad... but wait til i see the scale tmrw morning ( Read more... )

i ate... normally tonight, voluntarily. I'ts ironic how I bitch about mom making me eat when I'm at home, but now that I'm at school I go to the dining common and eat regularly, albeit restricted. I'm b/p-ed today (it feels like a routine now) and my gag reflex is shot, so I couldn't even get everything up. As can be expected... I felt hungry at 5 ( Read more... )