So I come home to a stack of phone messages from some panicked dwarves. Apparently Denethor has buggered off to Erober for some Future Bad Fuckers Of ME convention. I'm just a topless file clerk really. I make coffee...badly.

But what the hell. Me and the kidney are going to head up and muck around. Ancalagon is up there, maybe we can hit a few ( Read more... )

Returned to Mandos to do some topless filing, and noticed a terrible burnt stench. It looks like we redecorated in early fire sale. Not a wonderfully pleasing look, but rather rustic in that.... 'Valar BBQ of Doom' way.

I paid it no mind and just did my topless-bottomless filing.

That new kidney is really working out. I've noticed that I get ( Read more... )

It's a good thing I have one functioning kidney, as the other one keeps like... escaping or something. No matter. I have captured found another one. Meet my new kidney. :pats side: Isn't it nice?

The new kidney thing was being rejected by my sex-ay body, and I had a momentary panic over what to replace it with. Then I found the perfect thing! Thus far it's working. But just to be on the safe side, I should probably audition potential kidneys.

As I seem to be missing something vital, like say my kidney, I have replaced it. I hope the new thing works. :pats side:

Remember children... don't drink with wraiths!

Never try to outdrink a wraith. They're already dead, so they have an unfair advantage. Anyway, had one night stand that produced no babies, no tattoos, and I didn't wake up in a bathtub of ice missing a kidney. Oh well... :yoinks Peony Baggins: Now the time blacked out on Faramir's couch being molested by Imrahil isn't a complete waste. Imrahil, ( Read more... )

Go me!

The straight men of Middle Earth leave something to be desired. Perhaps I should be looking after the ladies? It's a thought. Of the insane, they seem less likely to pick up an axe and kill me.

So here I am, living the life of a would be queen with her own body salon. I'm making money. I'm spreading the beauty. I'm giving Brazilian waxes to pansy ass hobbits. Actually, the staff wax him. I just stand nearby and titter when he howls. :)

But I am someone important damn it!

Then Caranthir gets it into his head to up and kill me. I mean... ( Read more... )

When she came to us at The One Ringlet, we were overjoyed. Our first bridal spa package. You please just one bride, and suddenly you have a lot of business. I hire the best staff. Only the most skilled elves and dwarves work their craft here. So, why they thought, "Give her the works," meant this is unfathomable.

My dear Norolinde, as soon as it's ( Read more... )