The great wall of China is really just a scar left from a knife fight that Earth had with Mars.

Every time I see an oil spill, it looks like someone killed a rainbow.

There are now enough M&M varieties for them to be a form of currency.

I think the reason why so many married men realize that they are gay later in life is because by the time they reach forty, they've given up on waiting for menstruation.

When I was younger I fashioned a maze in my backyard out of lawn chairs and branches. Each morning I awoke with the hope of finding a minotaur guarding the entrance, but each morning I found myself disappointed that he preferred the cul-de-sac at the end of the street.

I made this Jesus hamster.


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When I'm old, instead of blowing out the birthday candles and potentially losing my dentures, I'm going to turn up the pressure on my oxygen tank and point my mask at the cake.

If crosses are indicative of suffering in the Christian faith, then why don't followers of Judaism wear tiny ovens around their neck?

I like to go to comic book stores and tear the covers of comics I already have. I feel as though it makes mine more valuable.

Scotch tape is a sticker that advertises someone else's product.