Sawajiri Legacy ;; Generation 1.3
Warnings:
Foul Language
Adult Themes
No Blur
Past Updates:
1.1 1.2
We left off with Aiko discovering she's pregnant with her second child, which seems to make Jason have a bit of a mental breakdown.
JASON: I don't understand how this could have happened! Well, okay; I know how this could have happened I just--damn, you know... come to think of it, I may have forgotten the condom that night too. I seriously should just superglue one to my dick or something before this house turns into a clusterfuck of infants. *long pause* Er... sorry, Mom. I've been around Aiko too much; I think I've developed her speaking habits. *another pause* No, no, I swear she's a lovely woman, really. Er... you're still going to come to the wedding, right? *no answer* Right? Hello? MOM?
Meanwhile, unaware of his mother's pregnancy, Riku grew up to be a strapping young lad whom his father completely adores.
RIKU: GO LONG, DAD!
JASON: That's right, my little prodigy! I will teach you to be the most amazing rock star/football player EVER. Ever, I say! Even if it kills me!
RIKU: But no pressure, right? -___-
All that praise seems to be going to Riku's head though. If he end up being the next Donald Trump and demanding birth certificates like an entitled asshat, Aiko will not be pleased.
Well, okay. She may be pleased with all the money. That's it though.
And then, like a little friggin' miricle, their daughter was born. As you can see, Jason was completely unenthused that she was a girl. Looks like we know who his favorite is.
AIKO: Her name is... Natsuki!
JASON: Um, don't I get a say in this? Our first born has a Japanese name, don't you think her name should at least reflect my heritage?
AIKO: No.
JASON: But--
AIKO: I said no!
JASON: *sighs* Fine...
Jason is such a sub.
Natsuki may not have been Jason's favorite child, but he played the role of dutiful father well... mostly because Aiko told him to in a loud, threatening sounding voice. But oh, how he likes it when she gets bossy.
On a side note, these kids are getting a helluva lot of Aiko's genes. Clearly the more dominant wins out in the end, eh?
They're probably not going to win "the world's best parents" award, but fuck it: they try. Besides, who wouldn't want to jump on a bed and play with a toilet bowl? Sounds like a fun time to me ;D
One day, on Riku's way to school, he was stopped by some creepy old gypsy lady.
CREEPY GYPSY: Hi there, young man. Would you like a lolipop?
RIKU: SURE! Thanks, lady!
CREEPY GYPSY: Of course, of course, think nothing of it. But first... does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
And this, kids, is why we don't talk to creepy strangers. They put you in a sack and carry you away to their dungeon full of horror and sex toys.
Luckily, in her haste to get away, the creepy gypsy lady seemed to have dropped a genie in a bottle. And no, not the Christina Aguilera single, though that would be fucking cool.
JASON: O. M. G! It's a miracle!
GENIE: INORITE? That crazy bitch is always dropping me everywhere. I feel like a cheap wish-whore. Anyway, WHAT DO YOU WISH, MERE MORTAL WITH RIDICULOUS HAIR?
JASON: Oh, gee... a new car would be fantastic.
GENIE: You have to say 'I wish.' Don't you watch TV?
JASON: Oh, right! No wait, I could have sworn there was something more pressing at hand... think, brain, think!
JASON: Oh yeah! I wish that my son was back home.
GENIE: That seriously wasn't your first thought? You're an awful parent. But your wish...
GENIE: Is my command!
*Riku pops out of freaking nowhere*
RIKU: Hello, father! I think I've mastered the skill of teleportation! HOW AWESOME AM I?!
Poor delusional child.
Unfortunately for the creepy gypsy, the genie's spell seems to pop her back as well.
CREEPY GYPSY: Er... hi.
JASON: Listen up, saggy tits. If you come near my son again I will kill you. KILL YOU. And you know, me? I'm a pretty damn passive guy. It's really my fiancee you should be worried about, because when she comes home and hears about this she's probably going to hunt you down, chop you up in little bitty pieces, and hide you in the walls of our basement like some crazy serial killer. Which, in all honesty, I have the feeling she might be doing that on her spare time on the weekends anyway. It would explain the smell.
After a year or so, Aiko and Jason have come to two startling conclusions about Natsuki: 1) she likes to tear everything apart and 2) no matter how much they try to teach her, this girl will not utter a word. Not one. Single. Word. Brain damage, maybe? With their parenting, it's a pretty valid guess.
But apparently it doesn't really matter that Natsuki can't talk, because she's constantly being overshadowed by her perfect brother.
RIKU: Look, Ma! Straight A's again! I'm so amazing that if I wasn't already me, I'd want to be me!
Oh dear. Seems like all of Jason's constant praising has started to go to this boy's head. Well, Aiko will beat it out of him... er... I mean, fix his point of view in a non-violent, proper parenting sort of way.
Regardless of his egotistical attitude brought on by an over-praising father, it does seem that Riku managed to finally make a friend at school, Jaqueline. I don't know what her damage is yet, but I'm sure we'll all find out soon enough.
Natsuki, however, wishes Riku would keep his little friends away from her. It's never nessecary to wave your hands in front of a child, dude. They're not dogs.
JAQULINE: Peek-a-boo... peek-a-boo! Hey, pay attention! HELLO??
NATSUKI: *glares* If my brother doesn't get this crazy girl away from me, I may just shove one of my blocks up her nose.
Aiko, stressed out about raising two children, decided to take a little performance enhancers at work to up her game a little - aka, steroids. Unfortunately for her, she not only started getting hair on her chest and a voice that could rival Angie Harmon's, but she was caught and promptly fired. So much for her LTW.
Aiko takes a moment to contemplate becoming a hooker. It would pay the bills after all. Besides, everyone still thinks she's one anyway.
Instead she chooses to become a Convience Store Clerk, because she's come to the sad realization that she is a complete slacker whose hopes and dreams are foolish and ignorant. Yeah, she's a bit of a Bitter Betty right now.
... So she takes it out on Natsuki:
AIKO: WHY AREN'T YOU SPEAKING, CHILD? WHY?!! *hangs Natsuki upside down and shakes her like a rag doll* You make me look like an incompetent mother! I'm already an incompetent worker, I can't be a shit mother too!
NATSUKI: *gets more brain damage*
Jeez. Riku is such a daddy's boy. SUCK UP.
AIKO: Why have we not had our wedding yet? We've been engaged forever! I need my Visa in this lifetime, thank you! For Christ's sake, Jason.
JASON: Well, I uh... you see, I...
AIKO: You know what? I don't want to hear you talk. JUST DO WHAT I SAY.
JASON: Yes, mistress.
So the happily engaged couple threw a wedding party. Which, after one too many drinks, started getting a little interesting...
TITANIA: Hey you! Random person on the street! You like this ass? Huh? YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS ASS? I bet you do! Mmmm, come and take it, big boy!
Malcom, again, seems to not understand the concept of personal space. You don't take a piss when another man is in the tub, dude. Well, unless you're fucking him, which I don't think his wife would be too happy to hear about.
But on the subject of tubs...
Why everyone thinks that they can make themselves at home in their bathroom, IDK. Seems kind of rude. Then again, they're all trashed off their asses, so I don't think they're too concerned about being rude.
Regardless of all the drunk fucks at their wedding, they did seem to have a pretty good time. At least, until...
GILBERT: IT'S SO COOL THAT YOU MARRIED A HOOKER, DUDE!
AIKO: *facepalm*
JASON: She's not a hooker, but thank you. In all honesty though, just between you and me, sometimes I do think she might be. With a fine rump like that and those perky little breasts... mmm, I'm sure she knows every man would be willing to pay for that. It's only natural. Besides, she has been bringing in unusually large amounts of cash home for just being a Convience Store Clerk.
AIKO: I CAN HEAR YOU, Y'KNOW! IDIOTS. Jason, no sex for a month!
NEXT TIME...
There should be a manual for raising children, because what they're doing is failing miserably.