Warnings:
Foul Language
Adult Themes
+ HEIR POLL!
Past Updates:
1.1 1.2 1.3 When we last left the Sawajiri family, Aiko and Jason had finally got married. However, Jason (with one too many drinks in his system) said something to a family friend that pissed Aiko off. Their marriage was not off to a good start.
Due to his idiocy, Jason was forced to sleep on the couch. This is why drinking is bad, children.
JASON: Why have I been such an idiot? Am I cursed? Do I take after my deadbeat dad? Is this because I stole a cab from a little old lady? Or because I didn't save that cat that was stuck in a tree? Am I just destined to be a complete jackass forever?
JASON: Why, God, WHY???
AIKO: It's because you can't keep your mouth shut. Or maybe it's just cause your brain lives in your penis. Now stop wasting time screaming at God and get your ass in the kitchen and do the dishes.
JASON: Yes, dear. I'm sorry!
Meanwhile, things with the kids aren't going the best. Well, at least with Natsuki. Riku's LOOK AT ME behavior isn't preferable, but at least he still does what he's told.
AIKO: Natsuki, where's your homework?
NATSUKI: *blank stare*
AIKO: How in the hell do you expect to do well in school if you cant even do your homework? For Christ's sake, child! I should have aborted you when I had the chance. GAWD.
RIKU: I HAVE MY HOMEWORK, MA! SEE?? ;D
Now, before we move on with the story line, Riku had his birthday and thus now has enough information to give you the low down on him:
Like's blondes and wants to become the face of the media? Figures.
RIKU: Uh, y'know, maybe you should start talking before Mom throws you in a mental ward. I hear they have bad food there and the white walls makes you wanna claw at your skin until your intestines fall out. I mean, I know you'll never be as perfect as me, but it's always nice to aspire to goals, right?
NATSUKI: *blank stare*
RIKU: Uh... Nat? Where you going? Hello? I was talking to you! GOD, SO RUDE.
NATSUKI: *smashes the shit out of her dollhouse while laughing maniacally*
RIKU: Bitch, you be crazy.
FYEAH.
To try and stop the train from crazytown parking in Natsuki's station, Aiko gives her piano lesson to "calm her." Aha. Yeah, cause that'll work.
Piano is not Nat's forte, however. In fact, she kind of hates it. But at least she finds something she is interested in - tinkering. Not exactly as calm and nice as music, but at least she's got a hobby. And as long as she's distracted, she can't get any crazier, right?
Famous last words.
Now, I'm not pointing fingers here, but that is a little suspicious.
JASON: Maybe we should stop trying to push her into things...
AIKO: Shut up. When I want your opinion, I'll ask for it. I know what I'm doing!
She clearly doesn't know what she's doing.
In another attempt to calm down Nat's insanity, Aiko decides to buy her a puppy. It seems to distract her, at least for now. Let's hope she doesn't end up killing it.
Meanwhile, Riku is having some trouble with the ladies.
RIKU: You are the sun, I am the moon! Together we should fuse together and be like an eclipse in the darkened night sky of our love!
JAQULINE: Um, are you constipated? What's with the face? I told you last week there are pills for that.
Riku feels dejected, but doesn't give up. After all, Jaqueline was his first friend, so she already likes him by default.
Apparently she doesn't like him like that though.
RIKU: Er... shit. I need help. If she will not succumb to me willingly, there are alternative routes. Though why she wouldn't love someone like me, I don't know. Maybe she's just confused. I SHALL SET HER STRAIGHT!
RIKU: Hello? Crazy gypsy lady that once kidnapped me? When you held me in your basement and violated my innocence, I happened to notice some potions on your shelves. I am in need one one. Meet me?
Drug deals should always go down in the dead of night, right?
CREEPY GYPSY: My, my, how you've grown...
RIKU: Yes, yes, I'm hot. I know. Let's move on. Do you have my shit? I NEED IT.
CREEPY GYPSY: Don't get your boxers in a bunch, boy; unless you want me to remove them for you. With my teeth. But. Yes. I do have it.
RIKU: Sweet! Are there any side effects?
CREEPY GYPSY: There's a 50% chance it'll shrink your testicles.
RIKU: I'll take it!
The next day, Riku decides to try out the potion.
RIKU: Let's get this party started. *pause* Man, my pants seem a bit roomier all of a sudden...
Though his testicles shrank to the size of walnuts, the potion still delivered: he got the girl and had his very first kiss. Aww.
JASON: Woohoo! You go, son! Stick your tongue down her throat and penetrate her tonsils like a horny howler monkey!
Unfortunately, before Riku could do her like a cheap whore on his parents bed, the potion wore off and Jaqueline came to her senses.
JAQUELINE: WTF ARE YOU DOING?! I'M A LESBIAN!
RIKU: Wait, what??
JAQUELINE: FOR FUCK'S SAKE, RIKU! OBVIOUSLY. FRIENDSHIP OVER!
AIKO: If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: you cannot use mind altering substances to get a woman in bed with you! Have I taught you nothing?!
AIKO: It's your fault he's so fucked up, you know! YOUR SPERM IS POISON TO MY OFFSPRING! I never should have married you!
JASON: I'm sick of you blaming me for everything! This isn't all my fault; you're the one who's verbally abusive! Have you ever thought that maybe that might have something to do with it?
Clearly their marriage is not going too well. But with how dysfunctional they both are, is it any surprise? This couple was doomed the moment Jason's prick entered Aiko's vaginal cavern of DOOM.
With thier marriage on the rocks, Jason found himself noticing the finer aspects of their maid.
JASON: *mumbles* Oh damn, what a hot piece of ass.
GINA: Excuse me, Mr. Sawajiri? Did you say something?
JASON: Uh, nothing. Carry on with your duties.
Unfortunately, his fantasy didn't exactly stay a fantasy.
JASON: If you don't mind me saying, you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
GINA: Oh, my! Mr. Sawajiri! *blushes*
You know, with how unstable Nat is, you'd think Jason would check to see if there was anyone around to witness his little betrayal. Like this kid didn't need therapy as it was.
As the years ticked by, Jason and Gina continued to have their little affair in secret...
... Well, what they thought was a secret. Really, they need to start paying more attention.
And now we pause our regular scheduled programming to give you an intro of Natsuki, now that she's old enough:
No surprise with the mechanical, and the full face makeup is probably attributed to her craziness. Because really, no one sane would ever like that shit.
Aaaannddd back to the story:
Uh oh.
JASON: Why is this TV always breaking?
JASON: OH SHIT!
JASON: *gurgle gurgle*
GRIM REAPER: Goddamnit, you were supposed to die of old age! YOU'RE MESSING UP MY SYSTEM.
RIKU: Why? WHYYYYY?? DADDYYYYY!!!
Again, not that I'm pointing fingers here, but Nat seems a bit too calm about all this.
RIKU: I will remember you fondly, father. You were the wind beneath my wings! *wails*
AIKO: *sigh* Only a dumbass gets themselves electrocuted. NOW HOW AM I GOING TO PAY THE BILLS?!
NEXT TIME...
Aiko was already going crazy trying to raise these kids when Jason was around, how will she be able to do it without him? I'm not sure how many of you are actually reading this, but I'd appreciate if you weighed in :D
[ POLL IS NOW CLOSED - RESULTS TO BE REVEALED IN THE NEXT POST! ;D ]