The grandfather clock never let me leave my room. Somehow, the clock's grandfather-like powers kept me inside my own pit of smelly, rotting, self loathing. The time had come for me to overthrow this tick-tocking menace. But how?... Ah-ha!! My frozen fish collection! Frozen fish are a grandfather clock's natural enemy. So I put my plan into action. ( Read more... )

Man, that thing I wrote yesterday sounds like something a slightly retarded and angst ridden 15 year old might write. That's so sad.

Lets talk about the weather, lets talk about things that don't mean shit ( Read more... )

Yesterday, I spent the whole day either sleeping or watching a three stooges marathon. I have nothing to really say about that. Fuck You.

I am so hungry that I've started to digest my own stomach. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that what an ulcer is? I don't care.

Nevermind.

I'm afraid to sober up. I'm afraid I'll look in the mirror and see a train wreck instead of myself. I'm not afraid because that is a possibility, but because it will happen. It's just a matter of me finally running out of juice and having to deal with all my vices. I stare at myself in the fucking mirror right now and I wish I could pull my ( Read more... )

I am drunk. I want to kill a donkey.

Ever have to wipe your butt an unimaginable number of times before you feel like your crack is clean? Sure you have. This is what the whole month of March has been like for me. No matter how much I wipe my ass, there's always just a little friend waiting behind to irritate me after I'm done doing my thing. Mabe I should change my diet... maybe I ( Read more... )

I am now learning that finding a job is a lot like whoring yourself out. Instead of sex though, you are selling yourself. They pretty much just want to ingest your soul and then regurgitate back out in the form of a paycheck. That's great. I would much rather spend my time sexually pleasing old rich ladies. Though a much likelier scenario is me ( Read more... )