(imaginary conversation)

"hey bianca, what did you do last night?"

"well, i ran three miles, drank a glass of red wine, and kicked slash's ass in guitar hero."

imaginary, yes, but i felt the need to put my victory on record. i'm proud of myself.

on the way home from work yesterday, i drove past a young asian man in a student driver vehicle who proceeded to run himself off the road, into the gravel.

my immediate thought?

"well....that's about accurate."

"  Test for Smart People.....I have determined that you qualify.

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The questionsn are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered
the question!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a ( Read more... )

ah, halloween. the smell of brisk fall air, little kiddies scampering about in their little costumes, houses soaked in faux spider webbing.... at a time, it used to be one of my favorite times of the whole year.

that time, my friends, has passed.

apparently, somewhere between when i was a wee trick or treater and the present date, people stopped ( Read more... )

conversations on a friday night:

me: "they call me mellow yellow....."

p.b. "shiiiit.....they don't call you mellow nothin'."

every time i watch men in trees, i want to move to alaska ( Read more... )

i was sitting in my office, minding my own business, eating my lunch, when Dick comes in.

"Can you put on an administrative hat for me?" he says.
"Um, okay, sure," I say.
"Can you write this address (points) on this envelope (points) and mail it for me?" he says.
"Just address the envelope? And put it in the mailbox?" (confused face) I say.
"That's it ( Read more... )

so here i sit. blazing hot, soaking in my own sweat ( Read more... )

okay,  so this is by far the most depressing news i have heard all day...

anthony kiedis has just welcomed a baby chili pepper into the world with his supermodel girlfriend, which pretty much kills the dream that i will be having wild and crazy rock and roll sex with him anytime soon. he's got a baby now, and even i have some standards.

 something is seriously wrong with my tastebuds.

or maybe a better way to put it would be that something is wrong with my cravings, which would mean there is something wrong with my brain, and i guess that pretty much goes without saying.

for as long as i can remember, i have never been a sweets person. i've never liked ice cream, never really liked ( Read more... )